


Affliction

by Centipet



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Amon need to protect this precious child, Angst, But he’s a terrible mom, But it'll be easily skippable without loss of story for people who don't like that stuff!, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Recovery, Slow Build, elective mutism, smut in later chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2018-04-29 18:10:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 23,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5137607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Centipet/pseuds/Centipet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You lost your mind.<br/>That was all that went through Amon’s head as he pulled the unconscious ghoul closer to his chest; cradling it in his arms.<br/>His planning only went so far as to get Eyepatch away from that place. That room to be more exact. Now he was left at a crossroad.</p><p>--</p><p>Amon finds Kaneki during the Aogiri Raid and takes the half-ghoul home in hope of finally learning why Eyepatch didn’t kill him that night. He had never expected he would come to care so much for the monster he was meant to kill.</p><p>Canon divergence where Kaneki didn’t break free and the Aogiri Raid didn’t happen until about two months later (Therefore making it impossible for Anteiku to exploit the chaos and get far enough in with their saving mission before having to retreat).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Trust

**Author's Note:**

> Soo, this is my first ever fanfiction (Yeah, I’ve been pretty much living under a rock) and I’m hella nervous about uploading.... So please treat me kindly!
> 
> English isn’t my first language (Though I consider myself pretty fluent), so if you spot any spelling or gramatical mistakes, please do let me know so I can fix them! (:
> 
> Otherwise, please enjoy my attempt to finally create something for this lovely fandom~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note that this chapter is a rewrite of an old! Therefore comments before March 6, 2018 are referring to the old version and certain things might have changed. The old version of chapter 1-10 can be found here: https://www.dropbox.com/s/ompf51hvdbx51hp/Affliction.pdf?dl=0
> 
> Please enjoy!

_You have lost your mind._

That was all that went through Amon’s head as he pulled the unconscious ghoul closer to his chest; cradling it in his arms. He had stopped at an intersection to think about his next step. He could hear driving cars in the distance but here it was completely empty; The only flicker of life, other than himself and Eyepatch, was a few insects desperately bumping into a streetlight. The winter cold would claim them soon though.

He hadn't noticed exactly  _ how _ cold it actually was. His combat uniform brought him a decent amount of heat, but the frail body in his arms was shaking from cold despite how tightly he held it. He knew he had to bring it to a warm place soon or it'd meet the same fate as the bugs. But he was split.

His planning only went so far as to get Eyepatch away from that place.  _ That room _ to be more exact. Now he was left at a crossroad. Both figuratively and literally.

He had come up with two solutions. He could bring the ghoul to CCG and let them handle the situation. He considered this the smarter idea. However, a part of him tried convince himself that this would also be the cruel option. Eyepatch wasn’t well; there was no medical expert needed to tell him that much. Cochlea – If the ghoul was even brought there rather than killed instantly – was not a place that he dared hope would help Eyepatch in any way. It couldn't be avoided either that Amon would be questioned as to why he brought the ghoul there rather than kill it as part of his mission. Questions he didn't want to answer.

His second solution was to bring the ghoul somewhere else – somewhere safe.

Contrary to all logical reasoning, he preferred the second option. He knew he’d probably regret it, but it was a risk he’d have to take to keep a clean consciousness.

He turned right to follow the road leading to his apartment.

It was closer anyway.

 

* * *

 

It was a war in itself to get into the apartment. He didn’t want to put Eyepatch on the icy cold ground, so he had to hold him rather awkwardly with only one arm as he unlocked the door and opened it.

Once inside, he pushed his shoulder against the light switch to turn it on. He didn’t care much about dragging in dirt as he walked through the apartment with shoes on. He could always clean it up later.

He came to a hold in the middle of living room, considering where he should put Eyepatch. He had to settle for his bedroom. It was the only enclosed room that wasn’t crucial. He could deal with sleeping on the couch for the time being, and it wasn’t like he could let the ghoul roam free in his small home.

Amon carefully deposited the fragile thing in his bed and winced at the blood from Eyepatch’s body and clothes that quickly smeared onto the bed sheets. Now there was two things he’d have to clean later. He pulled the blanket up to cover the ghoul. It seemed like it had finally stopped shaking from the cold.

He quickly grabbed himself a set of clothes from the closet before returning to the living room, locking the bedroom door behind him.

It wasn’t until now that he realized how exhausted he was, as he changed into the clothes he had just taken. It had been an eventful day to say the least.

He let himself drop down on the couch, finally giving his weary legs some rest. But his mind was still in a chase, as he hide his face in his hands.

He had just willingly let - no carried - a ghoul into his home with no intention of harming it.

He could easily picture his old mentor’s scolding in his head. Chiding him about how stupid he was, about how he should have killed the ghoul; brought it out of the misery of it's pitiful life. Was the answers he sought truly so important, that it was worth bringing his own - and his neighbour’s - safety in danger? He had brought a hungry ghoul home like an abandoned kitten. Except kittens usually don’t eat people when they’re hungry.

What an outstanding investigator he was.

But there was no point in his self-criticism now. Logic could wait, his curiosity had gotten the better of him. Furthermore, the ghoul was obviously weakened from the treatment it had received in Aogiri’s hideout. It would be an easy job to end its life if it chose to attack him or try it'd hand at escaping.

In an attempt to make time pass, he turned on the TV and muted the sound; he didn’t want to disturb Eyepatch. The ghoul needed sleep. It had been a long day and he felt tired himself, but he did not dare try his luck at sleeping yet. He had to be ready and awake if he had to defend himself once the ghoul woke up. He didn’t quite trust the door to be strong enough in case Eyepatch was determined to get through it.

 

Half an hour later, he was asleep anyway, his hand resting on the handle of his briefcase.

 

* * *

 

He didn't know how long he had been sleeping when he woke up to the faint sound of movement from the other room. It took him a few seconds to register it, before he immediately got up, briefcase in hand.

He unlocked the door and slipped the key back into his pocket before he grabbed the handle.

The ghoul was laying in a fetal position, and for a moment Amon was sure it was still asleep. He was just about to leave the room when the ghoul opened its eyes and met his gaze.

“Eyepatch?” He asked. He was given no answer, but the small twitch of its eyes were enough for him to be sure. The ghoul had both heard and understood him.

He took a hesitant step towards it, just to test the waters. When Eyepatch made no movements, he continued forward and sat down at the end of the bed. He placed his briefcase at his feet so that it'd be quick to grab if situation called for it, but wouldn't be a threatening presence for the ghoul.

“Can you speak?” He asked, careful to keep his voice calm. Once again, he was left without a response.

He felt a sting of disappointment. He had heard the ghoul speak earlier at Aogiri’s Hideout, so certainly it was able to. However, he had also noticed that once it had become aware of his presence, it had promptly fallen silent and not uttered a word ever since.

He supposed the ghoul just didn't trust him enough yet, which was understandable. He did kill its kind for a living after all. Still, He had hoped to get answers sooner.

“Let me know if you need anything.” he said, before realizing how stupid that sounded, considering the ghoul has basically confirmed it wouldn't speak. “Just knock on the door or something.”

He stood up and took the briefcase before he left the room and locked the door again.

Eyepatch hadn't attacked him, not shown any signs of aggression. Despite its lack of willingness communicate, he still counted that as a win.

 

* * *

 

Amon continued checking in on Eyepatch that evening. But the ghoul had been sleeping ever since his first, very one-sided talk with it. He didn't want to admit it, but he had hoped to hear a knock on the door. He felt desperate to do something for it. Something to gain its trust.

He stood up from the couch to check in on it again. It had only been fifteen minutes since his last trip to the bedroom, but time flew slowly and he felt like it was a perfectly reasonable timeframe.

He brought a wet cloth with him this time. The blood had irked him every time he looked at the huddled up figure in his bed. The ghoul would definitely need a bath later, but for now this would have to do. It would at least make his guest look more human.

After he placed the briefcase within reach, he sat down closer to Eyepatch and took one of its hands in his own. The ghoul shifted a little but made no other signs of discomfort, so he continued with his task. Very carefully, he started to clean off the blood and soil. The majority was rubbed off easily, but even when putting in more force the ghoul’s nails remained black. He quickly concluded that it was not dirt causing the miscoloring.

He moved a bit further up the ghoul’s arm but avoided the wrist where wounds caused by the chains were still healing. It had stopped bleeding by now, which Amon was grateful for, but still looked painful. While it didn’t show any aggression earlier, he didn’t feel like he could predict its actions if it was suddenly woken by pain.

But the slow healing of the wounds also served him as a grim reminder, that Amon would need to get food for the ghoul. And soon. He didn’t look forward to explaining to CCG why he had to bring human meat home to his apartment, but there was no way around it. He had to make it work somehow, even if he had to resort to stealing. It would at least still be better than committing murder.

Lost in thought he did not notice Eyepatch stirring, and when he turned his head to look at the ghoul’s face, he nearly jumped off the bed when he met its eyes. He side-eyed the briefcase, just to make sure that it was still within quick reach.

“Sorry if I woke you up.” Amon said and let go of the hand he had been holding.  “Can I continue?”

The ghoul slowly shook its head, which joyed Amon, though he didn’t let it show. There was still no verbal response, but at least it was some sort of communication.

He picked up the other hand and repeated the procedure.

“I’ll clean your face now.” he said when had finished, and quickly continued his sentence when he saw the wary look in Eyepatch’s eyes. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

When there was no protests he leaned in over the ghoul to carefully clean it face and continued to watch its response. When Eyepatch laid completely still and made no attempts to get him away, Amon continued, getting as much blood and filth off he could. At least there wasn’t as much blood here as there had been on its hands.

When he finished with one of the cheeks, he moved on to the ghoul’s ear.

He then felt the hard floor against his back.

He had not even registered the ghoul’s movements before it had successfully, sent him away with a kick. He hurriedly sat up to look at Eyepatch that had moved as far away from Amon as the bed allowed.

“What was that for?” Amon asked, unable to keep his annoyance out of his voice. But he only got a hushed snarl as response. He stood up and the ghoul flinched when he did so.

“Sorry.” He said, his tone a bit softer. He didn’t understand what he had done to provoke such a response without warning. But he had obviously done something Eyepatch didn’t like, so he may just as well apologize.

As expected, there was no response from the ghoul. However he couldn’t help noticing Eyepatch's stare softening a little when he had apologized.

Carefully – as to not scare the ghoul again – he walked to the door and left the room.

It seemed it’d take more time than expected before Eyepatch was ready to talk.


	2. Wary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caring for a ghoul that refuses to talk is never that easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note that this chapter is a rewrite of an old! Therefore comments before March 6, 2018 are referring to the old version and certain things might have changed. The old version of chapter 1-10 can be found here: https://www.dropbox.com/s/ompf51hvdbx51hp/Affliction.pdf?dl=0
> 
> Please enjoy!

Many things about Eyepatch made Amon wonder. First off, there was the mask.

He knew ghouls could heal almost any kind of physical damage if given enough time, but he still expected at least something to be wrong with Eyepatch’s right eye. But they both seemed fine.

Another thing he failed to understand was why the ghoul was even taken by Aogiri in the first place. Albeit strange and showing unwillingness to fight, Eyepatch wasn’t weak, he knew that much. Their fight against each other that night he had been spared proved that.

But it didn’t seem important either. There had been other captive ghouls when they raided Aogiri. But none had been under the same circumstances as Eyepatch. It might have had some important information, which could also explain why it hadn’t been killed yet, even if it was an enemy of Aogiri. But if that was the case it didn’t make why it was left behind when the raid happened. If Eyepatch was an information source, there would surely have been someone to take it with them.  On the other hand, he was rather sure he had recognized some of the tools he had seen in the room from some files he had found while searching around CCG’s archive. If he was right in who they belonged to, the poor thing may have ended up there despite being completely innocent – Or at least as innocent as a ghoul can be.

He had been looking for Suzuya in Building 5 when he found the room, hidden away by large steel doors. He had allowed himself a bit of freedom to satisfy his curiosity about the place, when he had heard over the radio that all ghouls were either exterminated or had been successful in their escape from the area.

He had expected to find it empty, or maybe a storage room that he had to report about to his superiors. But life always loved to surprise him. He had definitely not expected to find a broken and crying figure chained to a chair in the middle of the room.

He recalled having thought it was human at first. Something so pathetic and miserable didn’t look like a monster. But both the amount of blood and the horrorful sight of the bucket had quickly proved him wrong. No  _ human  _ could live through that kind of treatment.

But he had been even more surprised upon the discovery that the ghoul, despite how much different it looked now, was familiar to him. Eyepatch had shut up instantly upon noticing him, but before that it had been talking. Amon wasn’t close enough to hear what it had been saying, but he had still recognised the voice; One he would most likely never forget.

Getting the ghoul free hadn’t been easy. Not only did it seem impossible to calm Eyepatch down enough to sit still, no matter how many gentle words he used, the chains had practically fused together with the ghoul’s skin from the countless times it had scraped the skin open and healed again. Force had been the only way for him and despite the pain from the wounds being opened once more, having it’s hands freed had seemed to calm Eyepatch down, which had made the rest of Amon’s work a lot easier.

It had been fighting against him again when he lifted it up, but it was way too weak to actually put up any real struggle against him, and it hadn’t been hard to get it out of there.

The third thing that made Amon wonder tied into the second one. He did not understand how ghouls could be so cruel, not only to humans but to their own kind as well.

 

* * *

 

It wasn’t until a day later, after the previous incident while cleaning off the blood, that he unlocked and opened the door again. He thought the ghoul was sleeping, judging by how silent it had been, but he met it eyes almost instantly when stepping into the room.

A bit taken aback, he came up with the first excuse he could find as to why he was checking in on the ghoul again.   
  
“Would you like some coffee?” he asked hesitantly.

He had half-hoped for a verbal response, but instead Eyepatch just sat up and looked at him. When there was no further response, he continued:

“If you follow me to the living room, you can drink it there.” He tried.

He started getting more uncomfortable when the ghoul made no movements and just continued looking at him, followed by a sigh when it simply laid back down with no indication of planning to move anytime soon.

“I guess I’ll have to bring the coffee to you then.” he said before he left the room again. He hesitated for a moment but locked the door anyway. Even if it wouldn’t take long to make the coffee and he’d be back here again soon, he didn’t know what Eyepatch would plan in the meantime.

He entered the kitchen and started searching for the supplies. For once, he was glad for the short break he got from work after the raid. These days were usually filled with boredom and anticipation for when he could start working again, but it felt like caring for a person that refused to utter a word would become a stressful task. Especially when said person ate human flesh which wasn’t quite the most accessible resource if Amon wished to keep his conscience clean.

He would need to find a better alternative for sleeping though. One night on the couch was already causing him sore limbs. He did not look forward to spending night after night there.

He had considered whether he could get Eyepatch to sleep on the couch instead. It was much smaller than him and would fit perfectly - unlike Amon, whose legs were forced to hang out over the armest.

But it wouldn’t be safe. He couldn’t lock any doors to prevent the ghoul from wandering the small apartment and maybe find a way to escape. It was a lot easier to keep things under control when it was in an enclosed room.

It also needed rest. Something the bed was better at providing.

His track of thought was stopped when he had found everything he needed. He could think about that later. For now, he just had to make the coffee. It was the cheap instant coffee kind though, and he knew he’d probably have to get something of better quality.

He wasn’t sure how long Eyepatch had been Aogiri’s prisoner before the raid happened, but he could imagine it had been at least some days, probably weeks. Especially considering how deep the chains had gnawed into the ghoul’s wrists. He’d have to look at the wounds again when Eyepatch had gotten the coffee to see if they were healing.

He finished the coffee, leaving him with two filled cups. He added sugar for the one intended for himself before carrying both cups back to the bedroom and handing one of them to the ghoul who had sat up as soon as he entered.

The ghoul sniffed a bit at the coffee before it emptied the cup a lot quicker than Amon had expected it to. Shortly after, it held it back out to Amon in non-verbal request for a refill. He smiled a little and sat his own cup at the counter next to the bed.

“I’ll go make some more after I’ve made sure those wounds are healing.” He said and took a hold in one of the ghoul’s still outstretched hands so he was able to turn its arm and look at the wounds.

He was quickly met with a snarl as the ghoul let go of the empty cup – that fortunately stayed on the bed instead of trilling down and smashing on the floor – and pulled its hand away from him.

“Sorry.” Amon quickly said. It was obviously not forgotten that he had scared the ghoul yesterday.

The ghoul once again seemed to relax more when he apologized.

“How about you take a bath and I make sure to have a cup ready once you’re finished?” he asked, trying to brighten the situation, and to his relief the ghoul gave him a slight nod. “Follow me. I’ll show you the bathroom.”

He exited the room and was glad to see that Eyepatch slowly stood up and followed him.

He took the briefcase before guiding Eyepatch out to the bathroom and helped the ghoul finding everything it would need.

“Wait here, I’ll find some clothes for you.” he said.

He searched his closet for the smallest set of clothes he could find. It would still be too big for the much smaller ghoul, but it was still better than the bloody rags it was wearing right now.

Once everything was settled and he had given Eyepatch the clothes, he left the room and soon after heard the water running.

While the ghoul was getting clean, he used the time to change the bed sheets and kept his promise by preparing a new cup of coffee.

He had just finished everything when he heard the water stop. Soon after the ghoul exited and Amon couldn’t hold back a smile at the comical sight of how large the clothes looked.

The ghoul looked much better, and a lot more human now that it was no longer covered from top to toe in blood.

“I’ll probably have to shop for some clothes for you along with some better coffee.” He said and swore he saw a quick twitch of the ghoul’s upper lip, indicating a very small, but yet very real smile.

 


	3. Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note that this chapter is a rewrite of an old! Therefore comments before March 6, 2018 are referring to the old version and certain things might have changed. The old version of chapter 1-10 can be found here: https://www.dropbox.com/s/ompf51hvdbx51hp/Affliction.pdf?dl=0
> 
> Please enjoy!

The rest of the evening went surprisingly smooth. Amon allowed himself to let give Eyepatch a little bit of freedom, rather than sending the ghoul directly back to the bedroom. As long as he was vigilant it shouldn’t do any harm. And Eyepatch certainly took use of that freedom.

While Amon sat down in the couch again and turned on the TV, now with the volume up since the ghoul was awake, Eyepatch had decided to explore the apartment a bit. Something it hadn’t had the chance to before now.

It was rather slow and insecure in moving around Amon’s small home, but he was glad to see it up and moving nonetheless. Part of him feared it would just have returned to the bedroom despite being given another offer.

“Eyepatch?” he called out when it was looking through the kitchen cabinets.

Soon, the ghoul joined him in the living room again and looked at him puzzled.

“I was planning on getting you some food today. Or at least try to get my hands on some.”

He was surprised when Eyepatch just shook its head in a silent “no”.

“Why not?” he asked, before remembering that he wouldn’t get any clear answer unless he stuck to ‘yes or no’ questions, which was further demonstrated by Eyepatch just staring at him.

“Aren’t you hungry?” he tried.

At least he got an answer this time, but it left him no smarter when the ghoul shook its head for no again. He knew ghouls could thrive on only one human each month, but Eyepatch should have become at least a bit hungry by know, considering the horrible state Amon had found it in. Even if the ghoul’s health had been perfect, it still didn’t sound logical for it to turn down a meal that was so freely offered to it.

“Are you sure?” he asked in a last attempt, but the ghoul simply nodded.

He was almost certain it was lying, but he couldn’t figure out for what reason it’d be.

“Okay then. Let me know if you start getting hungry.” he said, deciding their was no gain in pushing it.

 

* * *

 

His unanswered questions kept nagging him the entire afternoon. He had almost expected the ghoul to come and ask him to get the food anyway, and that it had only refused in the beginning to seem more human and trustworthy, but it just kept wandering around the house as if nothing was out of the usual.

He swore its stare had changed though. Earlier it had just looked at him with wary. Now the stare seemed almost hungry, making it even harder for him to believe the ghoul wasn't starving.

As well as harder for him to feel safe. Maybe it just didn’t want to eat the leftovers that were served for ghouls in Cochlea, and simply waited for him to lower his guards and become an easy target.

The thought had made him move his briefcase even closer to stand right at his feet, ready to be grabbed in case the ghoul showed any signs of wanting to attack. If it’d happen, he didn’t want to go down without a fight.

He considered leaving to pay Cochlea a visit despite what the ghoul had told him (Surely it would eat the meat he brought it instead of wasting energy on attacking an investigator, when the food was right in front of it), but quickly pushed that plan to the back of his mind when the ghoul approached him. He discreetly placed his hand a little nearer his quinque when it sat down on the couch furthest away from him and looked at the TV.

Confused, Amon looked questioning at the ghoul, but it did not seem to pay any attention to him and just kept its gaze at the moving pictures in front of them.

At last, Amon turned his attention back to the TV, but still looked sideways at Eyepatch from time to time.

The ghoul confused him even more, when he swore he could see that hungry stare forming in the ghouls eyes again when the occasional advertisement for food appeared on the screen. Wouldn’t human food provoke a stare of disgust, rather than hunger?

To give his mind a bit of peace he decided that it was probably the humans on screen, rather than the food that made the ghoul react the way it did.

He instantly wanted to laugh at his own thoughts, because he had just associated someone staring hungrily at food as more troubling, than someone wanting to eat human flesh. Eyepatch really did mess with his head.

The time passed in silence between them. But to his own surprise, Amon didn’t mind it much. It wasn’t an awkward silence, like when he asked Eyepatch a question that it couldn’t, or rather wouldn’t, answer. There was no need for talking right now.

He had no idea how long it had been when Eyepatch suddenly stood up and was headed to the bedroom.

“Goodnight.” Amon said, and the ghoul lifted one of its hands a sort of wave before entering the room and closing the door, leaving Amon alone. He turned off the TV, as there was no subtitles available for the program he was watching, and he did not want to disturb Eyepatch.

Shortly after, he prepared to sleep as well. He went over to the bedroom door and locked it again, before he laid down on the couch with the briefcase in one hand (his other hand wrapped around his cross) so he would be prepared if anything happened.

 

* * *

 

A bit reluctantly, Amon decided to let Eyepatch wander again the next day. Nothing had happened the day before after all, and he figured it’d be the best for the ghoul’s health to move around a bit. At least it was a sign it was getting better.

Amon was joined by the TV once again. While still having space in between, he was sure the ghoul was sitting a bit closer to him than it had done the day before. He decided to take that as a good sign.

It didn’t seem very invested in what was going on at the screen though. It looked almost bored.

“Is there anything you’d like me to buy?” Amon asked after a while to break the silence and the ghoul turned its eyes to him. “I mean, do you have any interests?”

The ghoul made a motion with its hands that seemed like it was shuffling through pages.

“Magazines?” he asked. That’s what he assumed most young people were interested in these days.

The ghoul shook its head.

“Books?” he tried and Eyepatch nodded. “How big should they be?”

He was surprised by the size Eyepatch demonstrated with its thumb and index. Most ghouls were terrible at reading, if not completely illiterate due to how few of them went to school. He assumed he was going be buying children’s books, but what Eyepatch seemed to have its eyes on were books around the size of five hundred pages or more. Definitely bigger than anything Amon wanted to read in his spare time.

“I’ll pay the bookstore a visit then.”

Eyepatch gave a slight smile before looking at the TV again.

They spent a few hours like that, watching a typical action movie that was scheduled on the channel the TV had been on for the past days.

Even though the ghoul looked rather bored with the movie and often seemed more interested in looking at Amon with the rather unsettling hungry stare, it stayed settled in the couch at his side.

Amon tried to ignore the way Eyepatch looked at him and when the movie ended, he picked up the remote and tried to concentrate on zapping around in a search of something that’d hopefully be more interesting. He ended up settling for a nature documentary.

A few minutes into the program Amon had now learned about leafcutter ants, hercules beetles, red-kneed tarantulas and a couple of other insects and arachnids. It switched to a centipede eating a cricket with the boring voiceover describing what was going on, as if it wasn’t obvious from the images on the screen. Amon was surprised when the ghoul quickly rose and left for the bedroom.

“What’s going on?” he asked but as expected, he got no answer. He chose to leave the ghoul alone for now, but he would have to check on it later. Until then he continued hearing about the forest’ smaller life as the voice-over continued talking about different kinds of myriapods. It might have been more interesting if there was a bit enthusiasm in the narrator.

 

* * *

 

Fortunately, it didn’t stay in the bedroom all day, but it seemed a lot more withheld than earlier. It completely refused to meet Amon’s eyes and it seemed to stay a little further away from him at all times.

He was still confused as to why it was upset, but knowing he wouldn’t get any answer anyway, he didn’t push it. Instead he just made sure to give it a lot of space.

It didn’t join him at the TV again either, and mostly just walked around. Amon had chosen to keep the TV shut off until the ghoul either expressed it wanted it on or went to sleep. He didn’t think it was the TV alone that had bothered Eyepatch, but better safe than sorry.

Instead, he decided to work on some reports for CCG. He still had a lot of time before they were due, but now that he had the chance, he could just as well get over with them. Less stress for later.

He didn’t get much work done though, as his thoughts kept returning to Eyepatch. What would he do once he got all his answers? Should he kill it? Throw it into Cochlea? Or maybe set it free? The most logical was of course to kill it. It was a ghoul and he was an investigator. It was nothing more than his job. Once he got the answer to his questions, there would be no use of Eyepatch in Cochlea, and setting it free should be out of question. It would be treason against humanity and CCG. Yet, he didn’t really favor the thought of killing it.

His train of thoughts stopped when he heard an unpleased huff coming from the kitchen and he left the couch to see what Eyepatch was up to.

It was searching through the various cupboards that adorned the kitchen. Considering it had already had its curiosity about their contents satisfied the day before, Amon guessed it was searching for coffee.

“Sorry, I don’t have more at the moment. I’ll be grabbing some when I go to the store tomorrow.”

He was answered with an annoyed growl and Eyepatch left the kitchen before heading to the bedroom.

He would probably have to buy a lot of coffee, if that would be the ghoul’s reaction every time he ran out.

He dumped down on the couch again and looked at the report. He only got a few words down before he put it away, as he had completely lost all traces of concentration.

Eyepatch did not come out again that day.

 

* * *

 

That night, Amon woke up to a scream coming from the bedroom and he was up in seconds, briefcase ready to be opened. He quickly opened the door.

The ghoul was still asleep, but judging by the distressed mumbling and thrashing around, whatever it was dreaming about was not pleasant.

“Eyepatch?” Amon called out. He had a good idea of what the ghoul was dreaming about. It would probably be for the best if it woke up, but it did not seem to hear him. He came closer and could hear it mumbling random numbers. It was weird for him to hear its voice again, after getting used to it not saying anything.

He tried calling again, but with the same result. Despite his instincts telling him to avoid touching the ghoul, he dispatched the briefcase near the bed and carefully put a hand on the Eyepatch’s shoulder. It stirred but kept sleeping.

Amon sat down on the bed and took a hold on both of its shoulders before shaking it.

“Eyepatch.” He called again, and finally the ghoul opened its eyes. However, it did not seem to sense anything at all. It tried to get up, but Amon quickly pushed gently against its shoulders to keep it down. He didn’t want it to walk around before he was sure it was fully awake.

“Calm down.” He said when the ghoul growled while trying to free itself. “I won’t hurt you.”

After what felt like an eternity, it stopped fighting against Amon’s hands and just went limp. Amon carefully let go of its shoulders and met its eyes. It finally seemed to recognize him.

“Are you okay?” he asked and gently touched its hand. It didn’t answer and just tried to sit up. Amon quickly helped by placing a hand on its back to support it. It felt weak. Much weaker than a ghoul should.

He was confused when it moved closer to him and almost tried to hide its face in his shoulder.

“I’ll stay here as long as you need it.” He said and turned toward it, now fully sitting at the bed with his legs crossed. He gently brought a hand up to run through the white hair that almost seemed to light up in the darkness.

He closed his eyes when the ghoul moved even closer, almost seated in his lap. He could feel it tugging at his shirt when it grabbed the fabric between its fingers.

It was more surprise than pain that made Amon flinch when he felt blunt teeth met his shoulder. He should have known it by the way it had pulled at his clothes, creating enough space for it to sink its teeth in.

He quickly tried to push it away but it suddenly didn’t feel weak anymore. When it pushed at him, forcing him to almost lie down, he took his chance and threw himself to the side, making both of them fall off the bed. He was relieved when the ghoul let go of him and the pain of teeth burying into his flesh was replaced with a dull ache from the open wound.

He quickly crawled over to his briefcase. When he got a hold at the handle, he swiftly stood and turned toward the ghoul with Kura ready to strike.

He had been prepared for fighting the ghoul with its kagune already out, but instead he was met with the sight of Eyepatch slumped down in the corner furthest away from him. It sounded like it was sobbing.

“Eyepatch?” he called out and the ghoul slowly lifted its head to meet his eyes.

Amon quickly took a step back and tightened his hold around the quinque, when he was only met with one kakugan, while the other eye was still way too human.


	4. Inquiry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note that this chapter is a rewrite of an old! Therefore comments before March 6, 2018 are referring to the old version and certain things might have changed. The old version of chapter 1-10 can be found here: https://www.dropbox.com/s/ompf51hvdbx51hp/Affliction.pdf?dl=0
> 
> Please enjoy!

Amon’s surprise by the discovery quickly turned to outright terror.

“The One-eyed Owl…?” he whispered, barely audible. He considered his options in the situation. He had to get a hold of his cellphone before the ghoul stopped him. He had to call CCG. Even if the ghoul killed him as soon as he had made the call, bringing down the One-eyed Owl would save many lives in the future. He was the one that brought it here. At least he could do this much before he met his demise.

He took a few steps back towards the door while keeping his gaze fixed on the figure. The ghoul had not moved away from the corner, but had brought one hand up to cover the demonic eye. It didn’t do much to erase Amon’s fear, but it did add to his curiosity. Why would Eyepatch hide it, even when it was evident that Amon had already seen it?

Then doubt hit him. Why would The One-eyed Owl be Aogiri’s prisoner? Not that the concept itself was out of this world, but it made no sense as to why the owl would let themselves be captured, let alone being tortured for God knows how long. If rumors were true, no other ghoul would be any match.

Moreover, he had fought this ghoul before. Eyepatch was strong, he had already confirmed that, but definitely not that strong. Of course it could have been hiding its strength during that fight, but that still didn’t explain the ghoul’s actions back then. Owl was also said to be cruel. Eyepatch hadn’t shown any signs of cruelty towards him. Maybe with exception of biting him, but that was to be expected from a ghoul. 

He gave a grunt of annoyance. Nothing really made sense.

After a few more moments of doubt, he decided to give it a chance. If it was Owl, it could kill him at any moment it wished, whether he was ready to fight or not. It wouldn’t matter. As soon as it figured he was calling the CCG, it would be over him. And even if he succeeded in making the call before he became ghoul-food, Eyepatch would probably be long gone before Special Classs Arima could make it to his apartment.

Besides, he had to settle his curiosity, as stupid as it may be. His intuition told him, that this ghoul was no danger for him. Besides what should be expected from any ghoul, of course, whether it seemed friendly or not. Mado had always taught him to follow his intuition, and even though his old mentor might not like the thought of trusting a ghoul (and in the end, neither did Amon) Eyepatch had shown abnormality. Not just abnormality; Humanity. If this was really the owl, he should have been dead already. Even in a weakened state, such a strong ghoul would be much stronger than Amon could stand against.

Amon took a step forward and saw the ghoul flinch and raise its arms to cover itself as much as possible. While Amon knew it was dangerous to do so when being with a ghoul, he couldn’t help but lower his guards when it showed such clear signs of wariness. He carefully placed his quinque on the bed; Far enough away to show the ghoul he meant it no harm, but close enough that he could quickly get his hands on it again in case he would need it.

“I won’t hurt you.” He said softly.

Eyepatch slowly lowered his arms. No ‘its’ Amon quickly corrected himself. Even if ghouls looked like humans, they weren’t. Yet, he had always struggled with seeing them entirely as a simple species of animals like his mentor had.

When Amon let his gaze focus on Eyepatch’s eyes, it quickly closed them. Shortly after, the ghoul opened its eyes again, but instead of being met with the mismatched oddity he had seen moments earlier, he was met with two grey eyes once again. He felt a pang of hurt when the eyes exhibited a wary fear, even though Amon has dispatched the quinque.

“I’m sorry I scared you.” He said, feeling an urge to chuckle at the irony that he was apologizing for scaring a ghoul that had just bitten him a few minutes ago.

It was definitely not the first time he had been bitten by a ghoul. The very same ghoul sitting in front of him had even done it before. It still hurt like hell though, and he knew he would have to clean it. But first he needed answers. Which seemed like an everlasting challenge with when the other was mute. Even more so, when it was stubborn on top of that.

“Do you have any relation to the One-eyed Owl?” he asked.

The fear in Eyepatch’s eyes was quickly replaced by confusion, as it shook its head.

“Why did you bite me?” he asked, quickly expecting to just be stared at blankly, considering he had asked a question that cannot be answered by yes or no. Instead, the ghoul quickly turned its head away and refused to look at him. Amon swore it seemed almost ashamed.

“Did you want to bite me?” he tried, and the ghoul quickly shook its head. He was aware that it might be lying. Still, Amon felt like it was telling the truth. Eyepatch had shown reluctant in hurting him before. And even now, that he was unharmed, Eyepatch still stayed put on the floor. 

Then he recalled their ‘conversation’ from earlier about obtaining food. And more specifically, about how the ghoul didn’t want him to bring anything. He turned his eyes toward the ghoul’s wrists. The wounds looked much better, than they had done a few minutes ago. Earlier, the skin had still been raw and looked painful. Now it looked much more like a bruise. Its healing rate had sped up a lot after taking a taste of his shoulder, which confirmed his suspicion. The ghoul had been starving.

“Why won’t you eat?” he asked, but the ghoul just closed more in on itself, acting as if Amon wasn’t there. “I can’t have a hungry ghoul running around my house. You have to eat.”

He sighed when Eyepatch kept ignoring him. If it had not come to its senses once he got his hands on some food, he would have to use force. He might not be lucky enough to only get some teeth marks on his shoulder next time Eyepatch could not ignore the hunger. He might unwillingly have taken a bit of a liking to the ghoul, but he definitely didn’t favor the idea of becoming food.

“Please talk to me. I know you can.” He said but the ghoul just shook its head. He still didn’t understand. He knew the ghoul was able to talk due to its mumbling. It had happened as soon as this evening. He figured it had to be psychological, and probably happened because of the horror Eyepatch had experienced during its capture at Aogiri.

He wanted it to speak, but was unsure of how to persuade it. He would probably have to look up some information on the matter, despite how much he disliked the idea of having to read through possibly tons of pages. While humans and ghouls were different, it didn’t seem far off, that ghouls’ way of thinking and how their brains worked was much alike humans’.  And he didn’t believe anyone had cared enough to study effects of trauma in ghouls. The only treatment for that was usually to just kill them off quickly.

“You should try to sleep again.” Amon said softly and picked up his quinque before taking a few steps back to show Eyepatch he did not intend on inflicting any harm.

Eyepatch slowly stood up and sat down on the bed.

“Please knock on the door if you need anything.” Amon said before leaving the room.

When Kura was securely back on place in the briefcase, he went to the bathroom to check up on the wound. It wasn’t as bad as he had first thought. Eyepatch had clearly held back a little. It was no worse than what a normal human would be able to inflict if they bite down hard. He was happy with the fact that it wouldn’t be in need of any stitches.

After cleaning the wound and covering it with bandages, he found himself on the living room’s couch once again. He looked at the clock showing that it was around three in the morning. He just hoped Eyepatch’s scream hadn’t woken any of his neighbors. He’d have a hard time explaining that.

He didn’t expect to get any more sleep himself that night. His thoughts were all over the plac. The only one eyed ghoul ever known to CCG was the One-eyed Owl. Were the others just very good at hiding it? Maybe something was just wrong with Eyepatch’s right eye so it couldn’t activate? That would explain the eyepatch design for the mask. Yeah, it had to be that.

Then came the guilt. He should be reporting this to the CCG. It was his duty as an investigator. He had made up with himself why he kept a ghoul in hiding. He wanted answers, and once that was over, he would do his job. However, his recent discovery changed the situation a lot.

It might really just be a defect in Eyepatch’s eye, but most damages that would be able to cause such a phenomenon would heal quickly. Maybe Eyepatch was born with a defective eye, however that was unheard of – at least to the CCG. If something like that really did exist, it had to be rare. Very rare. In that case, the only responsible thing to do was to hand over the ghoul to the scientists so they could find out more about the situation.

The other option was that Eyepatch was indeed a one-eyed ghoul, and it would be even more irresponsible for Amon not to report anything to his superiors.

However, it was too late now anyway. He had already taken the ghoul into his home and cared for it. That alone was treason against CCG and losing his job would be the mildest of the consequences he would likely face.

For now, he had no other choice than to just let things happen, and try not to think about how disappointed his mentor would be of him if he could see him right now.

 

* * *

 

Amon didn’t have any expectations for what he would wake up to the next morning, but Eyepatch standing right in front of the couch with a piece of paper stretched out toward him was definitely not one of the scenarios he would have imagined.

He quickly sat up and his eyes wandered toward his briefcase, before his mind registered that the ghoul was standing completely still without showing any signs of aggression. He looked toward the door. Had it broken the lock?

Then it hit him. He had forgotten to lock the door after the incident. Out of all the times he could forget to lock it, this night had been it? At least this indicated that the ghoul didn’t have any more plans of taking a bite out of him in near future.

His eyes wandered down to the paper in the ghoul’s hand and he quickly noticed something was written on it.

He couldn’t help admiring how beautiful Eyepatch’s handwriting was. While few ghouls could write at all, it was even rarer to see a ghoul with good handwriting.

‘Why am I here?’ the paper said.

“Because I have some questions for you.” Amon answered.

The ghoul sent him a look of doubt before it took one of the pens on the table, turned the paper around and started writing again. Shortly after, it held it up for Amon to see.

‘That’s not the entire truth. Your life is more important than answers. Why didn’t you kill me yesterday?’

“Because you quickly pulled away. If you wanted to actually eat me, I would be dead already.” Amon said. He also didn’t want to see the ghoul hurt, but he chose to keep that part to himself.

“Now it’s my time to ask.” he said. “Why do you only have one kakugan?”

Eyepatch watched him for a few seconds before it put the paper and pen on the table and walked away.

Of course it couldn’t be that easy, Amon thought to himself. However, it seemed they would be able to communicate through other means than only yes and no questions. At least when Eyepatch felt like it.


	5. Insight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note that this chapter is a rewrite of an old! Therefore comments before March 6, 2018 are referring to the old version and certain things might have changed. The old version of chapter 1-10 can be found here: https://www.dropbox.com/s/ompf51hvdbx51hp/Affliction.pdf?dl=0
> 
> Please enjoy!

Amon felt quite horrible. He really hadn’t planned everything out well, which probably was to be expected when you impulsively bring a ghoul into your home.

He had to leave his apartment in order to get food for Eyepatch as well as shop for some groceries. He would need a lot of coffee for near future, unless he wanted to deal with a grumpy ghoul.

However, he could not leave without doing anything to prevent Eyepatch from leaving as well. He had no idea of how Eyepatch felt about being here. The ghoul may just as well run off as soon as he left it on its own. Then everyone else in the apartment complex would be in danger because of Amon’s irresponsibility. He didn't trust the locked door to keep it enclosed. If it really wanted to break out, the locks would most likely not keep it forever.

Bringing Eyepatch with him was also impossible. Not only would he have to pay Cochlea a visit, he also didn't trust himself in being able to keep Eyepatch under control if the ghoul decided to run off during their trip.

There was no other option than to restrain Eyepatch until he got back home.

Eyepatch had went early to bed, which might serve Amon well now. Many stores were still open for an hour or two and the fewer investigators that currently roamed the ghoul prison the better. That meant less people to ask him questions.

It’s only until you get home, Amon thought to himself when he took the syringe filled with RC suppressant and quinque steel handcuffs. He had never had much use of them since Mado was not much for taking prisoners and most of their hunted down ghouls ended up as quinques for his mentor’s impressive collection, however he always kept the things near in case they ever would have to take an useful ghoul to Cochlea.

He opened the door to the bedroom and his eyes fell on the sleeping ghoul. He carefully placed the things on the night table and sat down on the bed. Eyepatch moved a little but gave no other signs of being about to wake up, which Amon was grateful for. He did not for one second believe that Eyepatch (or any other ghoul for that matter) would voluntarily let themself be drugged with RC suppressants.

He gently took Eyepatch’s hand in order to hold the ghoul’s arm still. As soon as the cold needle met the ghoul’s skin, Eyepatch’s eyes sprang open and Amon quickly pushed down the piston before the other had time to react. He couldn’t push aside the feeling of being a traitor when he met the ghoul's eyes.

When Eyepatch tried to get up, he hurriedly caught both of its wrists to hold it down and praised himself lucky for his own amount of strength. Otherwise, he would have quickly been overpowered.

“Calm down, I’m not going to hurt you.” He said.

But he knew his words fell on deaf ears at the moment. He would just have to wait for the suppressants to do their job. Even if Eyepatch wasn’t too panicked to make sense of anything Amon said, there was no reason for the ghoul to believe him. Amon was clearly hurting it already by doing this, and even though it shouldn’t bother him, he felt the guilt scratching at his insides.

After what felt like forever, Eyepatch finally calmed down. Or more correctly; the suppressants was working and forced the ghoul to become docile.

“See? Nothing is going to harm you.” Amon said as he let go of Eyepatch wrists.

He had expected the ghoul to try getting up again right away, but it seemed to have given up. That however, quickly changed when he took the handcuffs.

“Don’t!” Eyepatch pleaded. Amon was taken aback for a moment, shocked over hearing the ghoul talk. He wished he could abide, but even with RC suppressants the ghoul would still be able to leave the apartment, making it a danger to any humans living nearby. And Amon would have wasted his only opportunity of getting the answers the sought.

“I’m sorry.” He said and reached for Eyepatch’s hands.

The ghoul tried to push him away, but with the suppressant working, making Eyepatch as weak as a normal human, it was no struggle for Amon to force the ghoul’s arm behind its back and secure the handcuffs around both of its wrists.

Amon could feel his heart break when tears started showing up in Eyepatch’s eyes. The situation was most likely bringing up unwanted memories.

“I have to go get some food for you and buy some things.” Amon said and buried his hand in the white strands. “I promise to bring you lots of books. As soon as I’m back, you’ll be free again.”

The ghoul didn’t answer and didn’t even look at him. Instead it just stared into nothing, but having Amon’s fingers running gently through its hair seemed to have calmed it down a bit. He hoped that was it, and not just the effects of the suppressants.

Amon rose and took a last glimpse at Eyepatch. It looked so human. Too human. It would be much easier if ghouls looked like the demons that tempted humans into sin that Donato had so often told stories about. Instead, his father figure himself had turned out to be a ghoul.

He really didn’t want to think about that right now though. He had enough occupying his thoughts at the moment. No reason to add more.

“Try to get some sleep while I’m gone.” He mumbled before leaving the room and locking the door.

 

* * *

 

It wasn’t until he was out on the streets that it really hit him. Eyepatch’s first word directed at him, ever since their first meeting, was “don’t”. That stung more than it should.

He had most likely just destroyed the few pieces of trust he had developed between himself and Eyepatch. He just hoped he was able to make up for it.

He would probably have to find another solution for next time he had to go out. Not only did he feel it was cruel having to put Eyepatch through this again, but if it caused too much noise while Amon was gone and the neighbors decided to check up on what was going on, he had no idea how to explain it. Having an obviously drugged and tied up man in his bed was definitely not something he wanted to have others knowing. He was pretty sure no matter what he said in his defense, both his neighbors and colleagues would get the wrong image. Neither did it help that said person was a ghoul.

Even thinking about what others would think of him, made him want to hide away in embarrassment.

 

He stopped up when he came upon a small bookstore. He had never really paid much attention to it before, but maybe now was the right time to look around.

The dull smell of new books hit him as soon as he entered. The clerk looked up from a book he was reading when the bell rang and gave Amon a welcoming smile.

“Is there anything specific you’re looking for, sir?” the man asked and Amon shook his head.

“No, I’m just going to take a look around.”

“Just give me a call if you need help.”

“Thank you, I will.” Amon said before the clerk returned his attention to the book he was reading. Amon honestly had no idea where to begin. He should probably have asked Eyepatch what kind of books it enjoyed. He knew only the length he was looking for.

Fortunately, the pay for the latest raid would land on Amon’s bank account within a few days, so he would have money enough to buy a little from multiple genres. He didn’t feel he could waste too much time though. He owed Eyepatch that much.

Some minutes later, he had found eleven books in total of varying genres. That should be enough for at least some time. Besides that, he found a little block of sticky notes, which would be perfect for making Eyepatch able to communicate without Amon having to find new paper constantly.

After he had paid for the books and the note block, he headed toward a little grocery store to get some coffee beans for Eyepatch and food for himself, before he headed for the train.

 

* * *

 

When he arrived at Cochlea, he was even happier about the time he had chosen to do it. Most of the guards and receptionists were tired of the long workday and didn’t ask many questions. He was let through when he mentioned he had to speak with a ghoul because of a report he had to work on, and they didn’t even care to ask which ghoul when he said he didn’t need an interrogation room and would just ask at the cell door because it was only a few simple questions.

As long as it didn’t take more than an hour before he left again he probably wouldn’t rise much suspicion either.

When he came close to his destination, he looked around to see if any investigators or guards where near. When he didn’t see anyone, he entered the storage room where food for the prisoners was kept. He took a few packages. Enough to feed Eyepatch for some time, but not enough to rise any suspicion, unless they decided to count the stock.

He wasn’t even fully sure if it was actually human meat, nor from where the CCG got the supplies. But most importantly; Ghouls could eat it, even though he often had heard some of them complain about it not tasting right. Either way, Eyepatch would have to deal with it. There was no way he would try to acquire food by other means.

He put the packages in the bag he had gotten from the bookstore. Usually he would have to leave the things at the reception, but once again, he had been lucky, making his life a lot easier.

He made sure the packages where hidden a bit between the books before he left the room and headed toward the exit.

“Have a good night.” He greeted the receptionist when he checked out and left the facility. Soon after he was on his way home.

He counted it as a successful trip. He had gotten everything he needed except clothes, but Eyepatch could just borrow his until he would get a better chance at getting some.

 

* * *

 

The first thing he did when he entered the apartment was to put all except one of the packages in the freezer. The last one he put in the fridge instead together with his own food.

“I’m back.” He called out before unlocking the bedroom door and entering the room. He had hoped to see the ghoul sleeping, but instead Eyepatch was staring at the exact same spot he had been looking at when Amon left him. On top of that it seemed like he had been crying again recently.

Amon gently sat down on the bed near Eyepatch and brought out the keys from his pocket. Eyepatch winced a little when Amon took one of its hands, but laid completely still when Amon unlocked the handcuffs and removed them. As soon as the ghoul’s hands were free, it moved them in front of itself instead.

“I’ve brought you some food. Come out when you’re ready.” Amon said and ran his hand through Eyepatch’s hair. It didn’t seem happy with the contact though, so Amon rose and left the room, closing the door behind him.

As time passed by, he started getting more concerned. While he had expected Eyepatch to use a little time to recover, he didn’t think it would take over an hour. The effects of the RC suppressants should be almost completely gone now.

Finally, after around two hours, the door opens and Amon looks up to meet Eyepatch’s eyes that were anything but friendly. The ghoul hastily went for the sticky notes and pen that were placed on the table and hurriedly scribbled down something before holding it out to Amon.

‘Don’t ever give me that shit again’

Amon couldn’t help but be taken a bit aback by the use of words, and he sent Eyepatch an apologetic glance.

“I’m sorry.” He said. “I knew I should have talked it through with you first, but I had to get that food, and I was not sure whether you might run off in the meantime.”

Eyepatch held up a new note: ‘Run off to where?’

“Wherever you lived before you got captured, I guess? You seemed to have connection with Rabbit and the Daughter Ghoul.”

Eyepatch’s next note was much more sloppily written and Amon could see the ghoul’s hands shake.

‘They abandoned me.’

Amon stared at the note for a while.

“For how long were you in Aogiri...?” he asked, and the ghoul shrugged, so he reworded his question. “When were you captured?”

‘Early December. Around the 5 th I think’

Amon could feel the disgust spread inside him. He knew Eyepatch had probably been Aogiri’s prisoner for some time, but he had not expected it to be that long. A few days at max had been his guess.

“Today’s the 28 th of January…” he mumbled, before meeting Eyepatch’s eyes. “Why did they do it?”

Eyepatch just shrugged before turning around to go back to the bedroom.

“Wait.” Amon quickly said and Eyepatch turned around again to meet his eyes.

“What’s your name?”

Eyepatch narrowed its eyes a bit and shook its head before continuing toward the bedroom.

Amon wanted to protest again, but chose to keep quiet about his displeasure. He had just forced the ghoul through hours of pure panic a little earlier. It was no wonder Eyepatch didn’t trust him enough. He would have to give it a bit of time.


	6. Closeness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note that this chapter is a rewrite of an old! Therefore comments before March 6, 2018 are referring to the old version and certain things might have changed. The old version of chapter 1-10 can be found here: https://www.dropbox.com/s/ompf51hvdbx51hp/Affliction.pdf?dl=0
> 
> Please enjoy!

“You can’t just ignore it forever. You’ll have to eat.” Amon said, but the ghoul just shook its head again. Why did Eyepatch have to be so stubborn?

“It’s not only unhealthy to not eat; you’ll also put me and my neighbors in danger.” He said, but it seemed impossible to reason with the ghoul. 

Eyepatch just gave Amon a flick of its hand, dismissing him completely.

“You got to be the most impossible ghoul out there.”

Eyepatch just shrugged and returned its attention toward the book that it had been reading until Amon had decided to interrupt.

Amon simply couldn’t understand. A ghoul that refused to kill was already a weird occurrence, but a ghoul refusing to eat at all, whether their food was already dead or not, was truly out of this twisted world.

“Are you afraid of eating?” Amon asked. He saw Eyepatch tense up a bit and rest its hand against its chin before it shook its head once again. “Then why?”

The ghoul just kept on reading, ignoring him. Amon sighed and went for the kitchen. He brought out the package from the fridge, discarded the packing and placed the meat on a plate. On his way back to the living room, he took a knife and fork from the shelf. He didn’t know if the ghoul actually knew how to use cutlery since most ghouls just ate at the crime scene instead of taking food with them, but it was worth a try.

Eyepatch quickly looked up from its book and the ghoul’s eyes locked on the food. Amon placed the plate on the table.

“Come over here and eat.” He said, however the ghoul once again seemed to refuse.

Eyepatch had returned its attention to the book once more, but looked up when Amon stood before it. Without warning, Amon snatched the book out of Eyepatch’s hands and ignored the way the ghoul almost snarled at him.

“You’re not reading anything until you’ve eaten.” He said. “After that, you’re free to get the book back.”

Eyepatch tried to get his hands on the book and Amon took a few steps back, bringing it out of reach.

“I mean it. Eat and you’ll get it back.” He said and felt like he was lecturing a little child. Judging by the look Eyepatch gave him, it didn’t like being treated as a child. But when the ghoul wanted to act like one, Amon didn’t have much choice.

The ghoul rose, but Amon’s hope quickly sank when it went for the bedroom door instead of the table. He let the book dump down on the couch and grabbed Eyepatch’s wrist before it could make it to the room. Eyepatch tensed up as soon as Amon’s hand closed around its arm.

“Please eat, or at least tell me why you refuse.” Amon said in desperation and tightened his grip a little when Eyepatch tried to pull its arm free. “I just want to help you.”

Eyepatch just shook its head and tried to free itself again. Amon compiled and let go, feeling distressed when he watched the ghoul leave the room.

After just looking at the door for a moment in hope of Eyepatch returning, he wrapped the meat up in a freezing bag and put it back in the fridge.

He would have to try again later. Even if he had to use force, Eyepatch needed to eat at some point.

He just wished Eyepatch would explain.

 

* * *

 

Amon almost fell out of the couch, quickly reaching for his quinque when he was woken by a scream. He quickly realized it must have come from Eyepatch. He had hoped the nightmare the ghoul had just two days ago was a one timer, but it seemed his wishes were not fulfilled.

He pondered if he should just try to ignore it; Eyepatch would probably wake up by itself soon. However when another scream came from the room – and he swore he could hear crying as well - he made up his mind and went for the bedroom.

“Eyepatch?” he asked, opening the door a little. When he was answered with nothing else than a pained sob, he opened the door completely.

Eyepatch was mumbling random numbers again. Or almost random. Amon was sure there was a pattern, but he was currently too concerned with the ghouls wellbeing to focus on the exact connection. Besides, math had never been his favorite subject. All he caught on to was, that the numbers were decreasing.

“Eyepatch?” he called out again, this time a little louder, hoping that he could avoid getting close to the ghoul. Eyepatch did however not seem to be anywhere close to waking up and Amon approached the bed. Unlike last time, he made extra sure his quinque was within reach before he sat down and carefully touched Eyepatch’s shoulder.

He was taken aback when Eyepatch’s eyes shot open, one kakugan gleaming warningly, before the ghoul sat up and gasped for air.

“Don’t worry, it was only a dream.” Amon said when Eyepatch held its hands up to examine them. Even though he wished he could avoid it, Amon couldn’t help keeping his thoughts off the bucket he had found beside Eyepatch when he rescued the ghoul.

When Eyepatch’s panting didn’t seem to still much, Amon carefully closed his hands around one of the ghoul’s smaller ones. Eyepatch tensed up for a few seconds but then relaxed, and though still quick, its breathing seemed to improve.

“You should try to sleep again.” Amon suggested after a little while, but Eyepatch neither answered, nor laid down. “Are the nightmares that bad?”

It was a stupid question, Amon realized. The ghoul had been screaming in its sleep, proving that its nightmares must be much worse than what could be considered normal.

Eyepatch did not answer, which wasn’t a surprise for Amon. What did surprise him was when the ghoul leaned against him and rested its head on Amon’s shoulder.

Amon was instantly on guard.

“What are you doing…?” he asked, but Eyepatch just ignored him and closed its eyes.

The vigilance turned to fear when the ghoul shifted a little to sit more comfortably leaned against Amon. Eyepatch had also been like this last time it had a nightmare, but back then, it had resulted in a lot of pain for Amon’s shoulder.

“Are you hungry?” he asked, despite knowing the ghoul would probably just lie if it was. However, Eyepatch didn’t even answer, either verbally or through body language.

“Do you want me to stay here?” he asked and when the ghoul finally gave a response in the form of nodding, he continued, “I’ll stay until you fall asleep then.”

He was oblivious to how long he had been sitting there, holding one of Eyepatch’s hands, before the ghoul’s breathing became even and relaxed, not wearing any signs of the panic earlier.

When he was sure Eyepatch was asleep, Amon carefully made the ghoul lay down. When he started to rise, a hand quickly caught his wrist to stop him. Confused, Amon looked at Eyepatch, who seemed to still be sleeping.

“Guess I’ll stay for a little longer…” he mumbled and sat down again.

It was as if Eyepatch was constantly aware of his presence, because as soon as he gave off any signs of being about to leave, the ghoul would quickly grab his arm again. Amon was sure he could pull his arm free as Eyepatch didn’t use much force, but he didn’t want to wake the ghoul who was finally sleeping rather peacefully.

Out of ideas, Amon just laid down. Concern hit him again when Eyepatch moved closer. He would be naive if he didn’t feel otherwise, having a ghoul so close. Nevertheless, he didn’t do anything to stop the ghoul when Eyepatch shifted to rest with its head on Amon’s arm.

Eyepatch had not seemed particularly hungry. If it had been, it wouldn’t even be up to its own choice whether or not to eat the meat he had presented for it earlier. A single night would probably not do any harm. The ghoul had been as docile as ever toward him throughout the day, with the exception of ignoring him when it suited it. But that could hardly be called aggression. Besides, Amon welcomed the thought of not having to sleep on the couch for at least a single night.

He gently ran a hand through Eyepatch’s hair. He wondered why the ghoul had bleached its hair. Additionally, he pondered why he was not able to see any black roots. If Eyepatch had been in Aogiri for almost two months, it should have grown out a little by now.

He would have to ask Eyepatch someday.

 

* * *

 

Amon didn’t register exactly when sleep overcame him, but when he woke, Eyepatch was nowhere to be seen. Still not completely awake, he quickly rose and stumbled out in the living room. Had the ghoul used the chance to escape?

He stopped in his panic when he was hit by a welcoming smell from the kitchen and he approached the source. Relief washed over him when he saw Eyepatch. The ghoul was currently busy with the coffee machine.

“Good morning.” Amon said and Eyepatch raised a single hand in a quick wave without turning around to face Amon. “You need any help?”

The ghoul shook his, no its head and gave Amon a flick of its hand, signaling him to keep his distance. Considering how horrible Amon was at anything that required a kitchen, it was probably wise enough for him to stay away.

“I’ll wait for you in the living room.” He said and left.

A few minutes later, Eyepatch joined him and handed him one of the two cups it held.

“Thank you.” Amon said and tentatively took a sip. “It’s really good.”

And that was not a lie. He hoped Eyepatch could teach him one day.

He wondered if he ghoul actually remembered anything from the night, or if it had woken in confusion. Whether it was the one or the other, Amon would wait until Eyepatch brought it up by himself. He had to set one thing straight, however.

“Please don’t leave the bedroom without getting my permission first.”

The ghoul looked at him for a moment then shrugged. Amon chose to take it as Eyepatch’s compliance with his demand.

Eyepatch sat down next to him on the couch before reaching for one of the books, but Amon stopped it.

“What I said yesterday still stands. No reading before you’ve eaten.”

Eyepatch quickly grabbed the TV remote before Amon had a chance to take it and gave him a teasing smile.

“Give that to me.” Amon said but the ghoul simply shook its head and Amon sighed. “Fine, read if you want to. But only if you eat something tonight.”

Eyepatch had won that round. Amon just had to make sure he won the next.

 

* * *

 

Around an hour later, Eyepatch was still buried in the book. Amon had turned on the TV, but quickly shifted his attention to Eyepatch when the ghoul reached for the pen and paper and wrote down a note.

‘Can I ask you a favor?’

Amon gestured for him to continue.

‘You should be able to see who was killed in the raid. Was Jason, The one doing this, one of them?’

Eyepatch didn’t have to elaborate what ‘this’ meant. Amon was pretty sure he understood exactly what the ghoul was talking about. And according to the name Eyepatch had given him, he had been right when he thought he recognized the tools.

“I’ll check.” He said and brought out his laptop. After booting it up, he logged in to CCG’s database. When Eyepatch tried to get a glimpse of the screen, he quickly turned it away.

“Sorry, but I can’t let a ghoul freely look at these files.” He said and sent Eyepatch a smile before turning his focus toward the screen again.

He had found the profile and couldn’t quite describe his feeling other than anguish, when he saw the status set as ‘alive’. Only few ghouls had successfully escaped from the raid. It seemed like this was one of them.

However, the chances that Eyepatch would ever meet this ghoul again was small. He quickly tried to hide his disappointment and forced out a smile when he looked back up at Eyepatch.

“He’s dead.”

He could almost see relief emit from the ghoul that quickly wrote something down and held it out to Amon.

‘Thank you.’

“No problem.” Amon said and turned off the computer again.

Eyepatch had finished his next note when Amon placed the laptop back on the table.

‘What’s your name?’

Amon looked at the note for a moment, unsure whether he should fulfill the request. He let out a sigh and then smiled.

“Amon Koutarou.” he said.

Eyepatch gave him a faint smile and then put the pen and paper down.

“You haven’t given me yours yet.” Amon reminded it, but Eyepatch just ignored him. “That isn’t fair, I just gave you mine.” 

It looked at him before it finally reached for the pen and notes again.

Amon waited in anticipation as the ghoul wrote letters down on the note and held it up for him to see.

On it, ‘Eyepatch’ was written.

“You know what I mean.” Amon groaned and he could see the smile on Eyepatch’s face grow a little wider.

The ghoul really was a child.


	7. Resistance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note that this chapter is a rewrite of an old! Therefore comments before March 6, 2018 are referring to the old version and certain things might have changed. The old version of chapter 1-10 can be found here: https://www.dropbox.com/s/ompf51hvdbx51hp/Affliction.pdf?dl=0
> 
> Please enjoy!

Kaneki didn’t know exactly what to make of the situation he was brought into. While words could not describe how grateful he was to be anywhere but in Yamori's 'care', he still didn’t feel entirely comfortable with his current position. Even though he saw no reason to leave – Anteiku had been his only safe haven, but they had abandoned him – he was still a prisoner here.

His treatment when the investigator went out to refill the supplies had been a clear proof of that. Even though the dove – Amon, he reminded himself of the name – had apologized, he could not quite undo the immense panic Kaneki had felt when left with no means of protecting himself; reminding him of the helplessness he had endured during his time as Yamori's subordinate.

Currently he was sitting beside Amon on the couch - a respectable distance between them. Despite essentially being trapped here, he had to admit that despite how many things Amon had done that had caused Kaneki more grief than reassurance, it would be a lie to say the dove hadn't shown signs of concern for Kaneki's wellbeing at the same time. The investigator had even been able to somewhat ease his night; making the terrifying visions haunting his sleep stay at bay and seem less threatening - A part of him even wanted the dove to join him again, but he didn’t feel like now was the right time to ask.

Knowing Yamori was dead had left Kaneki with a certain calm about the situation. He felt like there was finally some options of opening a bit up. Even if it was only a little.

Talking was still out of the question. He had tried and failed. Even now, days after being freed, he still felt his vocal cord shut tight each time he tried to mutter just a single word.

He couldn't exactly remember at what point during the almost two months he stopped talking when others were near. At first he thought the muteness was only directed at Yamori, but considering Amon - the first to treat him rather well in a long time - was also included in having to deal with these conditions, he doubted anyone would hear full sentences from him anytime soon.

It wasn't like it was a too big problem though. As long as paper and a pen was within reach, Kaneki and Amon appeared to have found a well working system for communication. However, it didn't remove his wish for being able to speak.

“The food is still in the fridge for when you get hungry.”

Amon had said it so casually that Kaneki didn’t really register the words at first. However when he did, he quickly rose from the couch and headed for the bedroom.

Why couldn’t the investigator understand that he didn’t want to - no couldn’t - eat.

He didn’t care if the ‘provider’ was already dead. It was human. He had to admit it smelled strange when Amon brought it out for the first time, but that didn’t change what it was, and Kaneki knew that.

He had fought so hard to keep his humanity. He did not intend to throw it away that easily.

And he couldn’t tell the dove about it. Not yet.

He quickly tensed up when Amon’s hand closed around his wrist.

He didn’t like any sort of restrains - even one as simple as this; something he could easily break free from if he used a bit of force - and it was always so unexpected when the dove just grabbed a hold on him.

He gently pulled a little to get Amon to release his grip, but the investigator had other plans.

“You’re going to eat it, Eyepatch.” Amon said firmly, but Kaneki wouldn’t have any of that and pulled harder, applying enough force to make Amon stumble a little. But the damned investigator still didn’t let go.

“You’re not going anywhere before you’ve eaten. Even if I have to force you.”

The dove used his free hand to grab Kaneki’s other wrist and the ghoul reacted before he even realized exactly what he was doing.

Amon quickly took in a sharp breath and let go when Kaneki’s foot made contact with his shin. Kaneki had not kicked very hard, but because of his ghoul strength, it was probably still going to bruise.

The dove didn’t deserve that. Kaneki wanted to apologize, but when he opened his mouth to express his regret, no words came out. He tried again, but no matter how clear the words rang in his head, no audible sound left him.

The notepad was too far away for him to reach and Amon blocked the way. He would have to apologize later.

He went back to his original task and headed for the bedroom. This time no hand on his wrist stopped him.

As soon as he had closed the door behind him, leaving him alone in the darkness of the room he let himself glide down in a sitting position, his back pressed against the door.

He didn’t want to cry – didn’t want to show that weakness, but he couldn’t hold back the quiet sobs.

He could feel the hunger start crawling around, messing up his insides, begging him to eat something. But he couldn’t. He didn’t even have the sugar cubes anymore.

His hunger had been stilled after he lost control and bit Amon, but it had never gone completely away. The food he had eaten – or rather; been forced to eat – during his capture had not done much to help his situation. Any energy the meat had given him had gone directly to the healing process, leaving him just as hungry as he was back in Anteiku.

It didn’t help the investigator kept offering him the food; Pleading him to eat. It drew him closer to give in to the temptation. But if he wanted to keep his humanity, he had to fight back against the urges. He couldn’t lose now.

Not when he had come this far.

 

* * *

 

Words that would have made Donato cringe and make the Sign of the Cross ran through Amon’s head when he sat down on the couch. Maybe he was just stupid and naive, but he had not expected the ghoul to kick him. He was happy Eyepatch seemed to have hold a bit back, otherwise his leg would probably be broken now.

He was slowly running out of ideas. He considered giving the ghoul another shot of RC suppressants to make it easy to feed, but Amon really didn't want to send it through that hell again and the idea was quickly pushed away as a 'last resort' plan; Something he would only do if there was no other way around the problem.

He could hear muffled sobbing coming from his - or by now it was probably more Eyepatch’s - bedroom but he quickly deemed it a bad time to mingle in the ghoul’s privacy. It was probably for the best, if he gave it some time alone.

He had hoped to ask more into the 'only one kakugan' thing again, but that would have to wait for another day.

 

* * *

 

Kaneki was tired. He was crouched up on the bed in fetal position, trying his best to empty his head for thoughts and sleep. However, each time he started drifting off, the memories would start haunting his mind again.

He had hit six so many times when counting down - Forced to go back and start all over again in an endless cycle without ever hoping to reach zero, unless he decided to miscalculate; Something that was always quickly followed by a punishment for his foolish mistake the few times his mind had been too foggy to process the numbers correctly.

Each time his thoughts drifted back to that room he would jerk awake again. And in a way he was almost happy for that, because when exhaustion finally won, his sleep was haunted by nightmares in which the pain could be felt, making him believe he was actually back in that place.

Fortunately, the investigator had seemed to notice it the few past times when the nightmares got the better of him and had come in to wake him up; Saving him in both the real world and his own mind.

Maybe he should push away some of his insecurities and ask for help. The dove had shown him more understatement than many others had; he would probably understand this as well.

After a short time, he felt ready enough to rise and leave the room.

He was surprised to find the door locked. Or not really, it was obvious why, but it made the little bit of confidence Kaneki had collected drop in an instant. But he was already standing up so he could just as well get it over with.

He gently knocked on the door.

It didn’t take long before the door was unlocked and opened. Kaneki shifted his eyes to the ground before he went past Amon and went directly for the notepad. He quickly wrote down an apology for Amon, that he held out so the investigator could read it.

“It’s fine; just try to make sure it don’t happen again.” Amon said and smiled a little. “Being kicked by a ghoul isn’t really the most pleasant thing in the world.”

Kaneki gave him a half smile; that was all he could muster right now.

He hesitated before writing his next note and held it out to Amon.

‘Will you join me for the night?’

Kaneki could feel the anxiety creeping in on him when Amon didn’t reply and just stared at him. It felt like an eternity when the dove finally replied.

“Emh… I didn’t know you felt like that..?” the investigator said. “I’m not really sure I feel the same…”

If looks could kill, the CCG would soon be preparing Amon’s funeral. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know why the investigator had jumped to that conclusion right away.

Finally it seemed to dawn for Amon.

“Oh… You mean until you fall asleep... Like yesterday?”

Kaneki nodded and couldn’t help finding the blush of embarrassment planted on Amon’s face somewhat amusing.

“Well, of course.” Amon said and quickly organized the papers he had been working on into a bunch, closed his laptop for the night and picked up the briefcase. “Lead the way.”

Kaneki’s grip around the notepad and pen tightened a bit before he returned to the bedroom with Amon close behind him.

He placed the things on the counter beside the bed before he laid down with his back to Amon. The embarrassment for having to ask the investigator for help to make him able to sleep had started taking its hold on him.

But embarrassment was better than the nightmares.

Kaneki could feel the movement when Amon sat down in the bed and it filled him with a sort of reassurance. As long as the investigator was there, a quick death was the worst thing that could happen. And unless he decided to attack the human, it seemed the chance for him waking up with a quinque at his throat was rather small. Especially since he hadn’t given Amon any answers yet.

The investigator still had reason to keep him alive.

Sleep started overcoming him again, melting his thoughts and making it hard to keep focused on one thing. He closed his eyes to give his mind peace to drift off to sleep.

He didn’t realize he had been shaking until he felt the investigator’s hand in his hair, calming him down. He had no idea why it helped so much whenever the dove did it, but he was happy it did.

In his less awake and aware state, his embarrassment about having Amon near to help him had faded almost entirely and he heard a surprised yelp coming from the investigator when he turned around to hug him and pull down; Forcing the larger man to shift into a lying position.

He found a rather comfortable position, his head placed against the investigator’s chest. Within a few minutes, his breathing had synced with Amon’s and he drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

 

* * *

 

Amon had closed his eyes as well. He had not expected Eyepatch to be this clingy; The ghoul had certainly shown need for physical contact the other nights, but not as much as to hug him like this, forcing him to stay where he was for yet another night.

His plans about leaving once Eyepatch had fallen asleep to work more was definitely out of the question now. But he still had some time before he had to return to work, so he should be able to finish it up till then.

He continued running his hand through the ghoul’s hair. Not only did it seem to calm Eyepatch down, it was a comfortable gesture for Amon as well.

He wondered what his colleagues would think of him if they knew he was willingly sleeping in a ghoul’s embrace.

And even somewhat enjoying it.


	8. Relief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note that this chapter is a rewrite of an old! Therefore comments before March 6, 2018 are referring to the old version and certain things might have changed. The old version of chapter 1-10 can be found here: https://www.dropbox.com/s/ompf51hvdbx51hp/Affliction.pdf?dl=0
> 
> Please enjoy!

Like last time Amon had found himself sleeping next to Eyepatch, he woke up to an empty bed the next morning – resulting in a feeling he probably best could describe as  _ disappointment _ . Unlike last time however, there was no nice smell of coffee guiding him into a woken state.

Instead, the sound of the TV was what reassured him that the ghoul had not left the apartment to never return.

He found Eyepatch sitting in the couch, eyes fixed on the pictures dancing across the screen. His eyes only quickly flicked toward Amon, acknowledging his presence before they returned to the TV.

“I thought we agreed you wouldn’t just leave the bedroom without permission again.” Amon said. Eyepatch just shrugged.

Amon figured there’d be no point in arguing now. Instead of disturbing Eyepatch’s interest in the TV program further, Amon went for the kitchen to get some food.

When he opened the fridge, he was happily surprised. What once held a package of food for the ghoul was now nothing but an empty shelf. He quickly let his gaze glide over the rest of the fridge, but there was no trace of the package – Meaning there was no other explanation, other than that Eyepatch had finally decided to end his fast.

Despite Eyepatch going against Amon’s words, he still wanted to give him some sort of thanks to show how happy he was that the ghoul was finally eating.

The easiest option would probably be coffee; he could not really offer the ghoul anything else he had available right now.

He settled for some instant noodles. It was quick and it was easy. He wouldn’t have to actually use the kitchen, which was probably the best for everyone.

After he had finished eating and put the bowl in the sink to be washed later, he prepared himself for the fight it would be to make the coffee. It was ages ago he had made proper coffee rather than the cheap instant coffee he usually bought for himself (And back then the coffee had never been something to write home about). At least he still had the tools for making it.

He grabbed the bag of coffee beans and let the game begin.

 

* * *

 

While Kaneki’s eyes were on the TV, his mind was somewhere else. He still debated with himself how much he could tell the investigator. If he didn’t tell him anything, he would probably be thrown in Cochlea if not killed. However, if he did tell him the answer to all his questions, he would end up in Cochlea or dead anyway. Despite the investigators friendly manners, he knew he was only being kept here because Amon needed him in order to get answers.

His thoughts were interrupted when Amon made his way into the living room with two cups of coffee.

"It's great to see you're eating." The investigator said and handed him one of the cups.

Kaneki gave the man a smile as thanks for the coffee before he brought the cup to his lips. The second the liquid touched his tongue he wanted to spit it out but forced himself to swallow, causing him to gag before the sorry excuse of a coffee went down. He wondered if Amon had forgotten about what Kaneki really was and added sugar, but when he found his own disgusted expression mirrored in Amon's face as well when the investigator took a sip, he concluded it was probably just the coffee itself being extremely foul.

"Sorry." Amon said. "I meant to make the coffee to show you how happy I am you started eating, but I ended up almost choking you instead."

Kaneki smiled and gave him a dismissive flick of his hand to tell him there was no reason to apologize. It was the thought that count.

The movement caused one of the way too long sleeves of the dress shirt he had borrowed from Amon's closet to glide down his arm, revealing his wrist and forearm. He quickly put the coffee mug down to pull the sleeve up again.

He then grabbed the sticky notes and pen he had brought with him when he left the bedroom around two hours ago and wrote down: 'Let me teach you how to make coffee.'

 

* * *

 

Amon kept his eyes on Eyepatch when the ghoul rose and went for the kitchen, bringing the sticky notes along - They really were a good buy.

He swore he had seen something on Eyepatch’s arm when the sleeve glide down, but he wasn't given enough time to make sure.

He chose to let it go. For now at least.

Instead he went to join Eyepatch in the kitchen. The ghoul was already preparing the water and taking out the coffee beans. All his movements were elegant and precise; Like this was the one true thing he was born to do in this life.

Amon had to admit he ended up paying more attention to the the boy rather than what the person in question was doing. In his natural habitat with coffee beans in front of him, the ghoul almost looked like something out of a movie or theatre.

However, he still got the basics. At least enough to understand how wrong he had made it.

The scene was over as quickly as it had started and Eyepatch poured the freshly made coffee up in two cups and handed one to Amon before scribbling something down and holding up the message.

'You can show me if you've learned anything tonight.'

Amon smiled and nodded before saying thanks for the coffee. It tasted as good as he remembered, if not better because of the foul taste of his own unsuccessful attempt being washed away by the new flavor.

It would possibly take years before he would become this good himself, but at least he could hope it was going to be better than his earlier try.

 

* * *

 

The evening came quicker than Amon had expected and he once again prepared for making the coffee.

He tried to copy Eyepatch’s elegant and fluent movements, but he ended up more clumsy and awkward than anything else.

But the ghoul’s approving nod when Amon poured the water in circles instead of just pouring it all out in one spot at least told him he did something right.

It could only be better than last time.

And truth be told, even though the coffee was far away from the ghoul’s quality, it at least didn't make Eyepatch choke, which was an accomplishment in itself.

He still couldn't help wonder exactly why he put up with the ghoul’s silence. The notes gave Eyepatch a good ability to communicate and answer some of his questions, yet the ghoul refused to do so. And Amon hadn't done anything about it, other than repeating the question.

He knew he couldn't keep Eyepatch here forever. It wouldn't be too long before he had work again. Besides, he was already growing too soft on the ghoul, and that would only get worse and worse the longer time they spent together. Simply overlooking that Eyepatch had completely ignored his earlier request that the ghoul stay in the bedroom until given permission proved that.

Three days, Amon decided. If the ghoul wasn't willing to tell him at least a bit within three days, he would have to give Eyepatch the ultimatum of either “speaking up” or being sent to Cochlea.


	9. Consideration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note that this chapter is a rewrite of an old! Therefore comments before March 6, 2018 are referring to the old version and certain things might have changed. The old version of chapter 1-10 can be found here: https://www.dropbox.com/s/ompf51hvdbx51hp/Affliction.pdf?dl=0
> 
> Please enjoy!

“Is there anything you want to do for the rest of the evening?” Amon asked. He had planned on asking about some of his unanswered questions, but he figured it would be better to ask when he made sure Eyepatch wasn't bored. It seemed more talkative on some occasions rather than others. And the ghoul had already proven itself to be rather stubborn.

Eyepatch just shrugged its shoulders. Amon would have to figure something out then.

“Maybe we could play cards? “ he asked and when Eyepatch nodded Amon stood up from his place in the couch to get a set of cards. He felt a slight tint of uneasiness and a bit dizzy but guessed he had just stood up too quickly. He hadn't really eaten anything other than his breakfast either so that didn't help.

Nonetheless he made his way to a drawer and started searching through the shelfs. It took him a few tries before he found the right one and picked up an old but very unused set of cards. He wasn't even sure if all the cards were still there but he hoped.

He returned to the couch and sat down next to Eyepatch. He turned his attention to the ghoul when he felt a hand brush against the shoulder said ghoul had sunk his teeth in earlier. He expected to meet Eyepatch’s eyes but instead it was looking only at Amon's shoulder. Amon quickly catched on to what the ghoul was thinking about.

“Don't worry. “ he said. “It's healing alright. It will be completely fine in a few days. I heal quickly.“

The answer seemed to satisfy Eyepatch, because it leaned back in the couch again and Amon started shuffling the cards.

“We should probably play a game that doesn’t crave too much talking.”

They ended up playing 500 and a few games of Blackjack. Amon hadn’t expected a ghoul to know card games and had been prepared to spend a good amount of time explaining the rules, but apparently he learned something new every day. But considering Eyepatch could also read (And was even quick at it; he’d have to buy some new books soon) it really shouldn’t have come as such a big surprise.

“I’ll try my luck at coffee again,” Amon said after they’ve both gotten tired of just playing cards. He had become gradually more and more dizzy during the time they had been playing but some coffee might help.

As soon as he stood up he knew something was definitely wrong. Eyepatch apparently noticed as well because the ghoul stood up too.

“Don’t worry, it’s fine.” Amon said and took a step before he felt his vision go dark. The last thing he saw before losing his balance was something red shooting toward him, and he instinctively knew that Eyepatch had taken its best chance at finishing him off without a fight.

He really shouldn’t have trusted a ghoul.

 

* * *

 

Death really didn’t feel like Amon had expected it to. He did know exactly what he really expected death to be like, but certainly not like this. It felt comfortable at least. That was nice.

Apparently his senses also worked in the afterlife, because he could smell food. Real food, not the instant noodles he had pretty much been living off since he brought the ghoul to his home. Usually he would go out and eat, but ever since he brought Eyepatch to his home that had been out of question.

Slowly, he opened his eyes. He sort of expected to see some strange world or maybe just an eternity of the purest light.

Instead, he looked at the roof of his bedroom. Twice in a row he was surprised by how different death felt than he had expected.

He carefully sat up and looked around the room. Yeah, definitely his bedroom. Either death was going to be a very boring experience, or maybe he still had a few good fights left in him before he kicked the bucket.

He decided to believe in the second option. It rose the question as to why Eyepatch didn’t kill him though.

He was about to stand up and go search for the source of the smell when the door opened, revealing Eyepatch holding a plate. Well, Amon certainly found out what smelled so nice now.

Eyepatch came over to him and held the plate out toward him. It all felt surreal. First off, he should have been dead. He saw Eyepatch’s kagune just as he lost consciousness. Second off, a ghoul shouldn’t be able to make food. It had to smell horrible and ghouls didn’t eat human food so there was no reason for them to train in making it.

But there were also humans that couldn’t survive in a kitchen – Amon being one of them – so it could probably go the other way around as well.

“Thank you.” Amon said and took the plate. “But you really shouldn’t have.”

This didn’t seem to bring Eyepatch any joy as the ghoul quickly send him a stare that may just as well have killed Amon again.

Kaneki wrote something down before ripping the sticky note off and dumped it in the bed, then left the room.

‘Eat. Now.’ Was the only things written on the paper. And that was exactly what Amon did.

He had been hesitant at first, unsure of how the food would taste. But after a few bites it dawned to him that it tasted really well. Not completely perfect, but Amon could easily forgive that. It couldn’t be easy to cook when you can’t test taste whatever you’re cooking, and it was much better than anything Amon had ever accomplished.

After he had finished he stood up. He still didn’t feel perfect but at least a lot better than right before he blacked out.

He made his way to the door and out to the living room with the plate in hand. Noises coming from the kitchen told him this was where Eyepatch was and he followed the sound. His assumptions turned out to be right when he entered the kitchen and put down the table on the counter. Eyepatch was standing with its back toward him and cleaning up.

“Thanks for the food.” He said and Eyepatch quickly turned around to face him. Amon had expected a smile to spread across the ghoul’s face but he couldn’t be more wrong. Instead Eyepatch just grabbed his arm and pulled him back toward the bedroom.

“What are you doing?” Amon asked, but of course there came no answer. Eyepatch didn’t stop pulling him until they stood in the bedroom again and it pushed Amon toward the bed before turning around and leaving.

Amon didn’t need any sort of vocal communication to understand it meant he wasn’t allowed to leave bed for now. He really shouldn’t be taking orders from a ghoul but nonetheless he laid down again.

 

* * *

 

He was about to stand up again and leave the room out of sheer boredom when the door opened. Eyepatch let the notes blog dump down on the bed before he laid down next to Amon.

Knowing Eyepatch wouldn’t do it, Amon chose to break the silence.

“You didn’t kill me when you got the chance, or ran away for that matter.” He said. “Why?”

Eyepatch laid still for a while and Amon had started giving up hope of getting an answer when the ghoul finally reached for the notes and wrote down his response.

‘I told you I have nowhere to go’

“So you would prefer Cochlea, rather than the streets?” Amon asked and was more than slightly surprised when Eyepatch nodded. He already knew what the majority of the ghouls he had encountered would have chosen.

“You do know I’ll have to take you there soon, right?”

Another nod.

“But you could extend the period of time you can stay here by answering some of my questions. For example, you still haven't told me what’s up with your eyes.”

He could see the figure next to him tense up when he asked the question. He was just about to ask another question instead, when Eyepatch wrote something down again.

‘My right eye don’t work well’

Amon knew it was a lie. It didn’t sound convincing at all. Not because it was impossible, he didn’t know enough about ghoul biology to know if something like that could occur, but because Eyepatch hadn’t just told him that earlier. If it was just a defect eye, he wouldn’t have been so insisting on keeping it a secret.

But he accepted the response. For now. At least Eyepatch was answering his questions rather than ignoring them, even if those answers were most likely incorrect.

The rest of their conversation mostly consisted of Eyepatch scolding Amon for not eating well, which it suspected was the cause of Amon losing consciousness.

Amon had to admit he had been stupid. Not only had his food consisted of instant noodles alone the past days, he had also only eaten once the entire day.

Amon had ended up being forced to promise bringing home a healthier diet next time.

 

* * *

 

They spend the rest of the evening in the bed. Eyepatch had brought Amon’s laptop to him so he could get a little work done while the ghoul itself was reading one of the books. Amon noticed that it was one of the books Eyepatch had finished already. He was surprised by how quickly the ghoul had finished all the books he had brought.

Laying together fairly close like this gave Amon a chance to get a glimpse of the ghoul’s wrists.

The wounds caused by the chains were almost gone now. The only sign the wounds had ever been there was a bit redness of the skin.

It really wouldn’t worry him too much if Eyepatch was human. But it should have healed already, especially now when Eyepatch was eating again. Yet it hadn’t.

“Do I have permission to stand up?” Amon asked, mocking how Eyepatch had practically forced him to stay in bed the entire evening after the incident. “I need to do something important.”

The ghoul didn’t look up from the book when it nodded.

Amon went out to the kitchen and checked the fridge an extra time, checking behind everything to make sure the package really was gone. When he found nothing he checked the freezer to see if it had magically found its way back there together with the rest of the packages. But there was the same amount as Amon had put there after his visit to Colchea.

Finally, he checked the garbage bin and after picking a few things up he finally found the answer to his suspicion when he saw the little package. He didn’t know whether to be angry or just disappointed. Eyepatch had not only refused to eat, but had resorted to outright lying.

He chose not to say anything when he went back and laid down again. He’d wait till morning, it was soon time to sleep anyway.

 

* * *

 

Amon slept with the ghoul again after the success of previous night. And though he had grown accustomed to being woken up by a scream and mumbling of numbers, he hadn’t expected to wake up by a hard punch to his face. He instantly sat up and touched his face. Judging by the feeling of something wet he assumed his nose was bleeding, though not broken.

He turned his attention to restless body beside him. The strange numbers were still a thing it seemed, and Eyepatch was even more uneasy than he used to be.

“Eyepatch, wake up.” He said and put his hand on the ghoul’s shoulders. He had to repeat the name a few times before the ghoul finally woke up, afraid and panicking before it realized what was going on and calmed down.

When he had made sure Eyepatch was as calm as it could be, Amon was about to lay down again to continue his sleep, but stopped when he felt a hand on his face, carefully touching the blood that continued running from his nose.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s nothing, you should go to sleep.” He said, but instead of doing what Amon told it to, Eyepatch leaned closer and rested its head against Amon’s shoulder. He guessed it was Eyepatch’s way of apologizing, but even though he hated to admit it, he didn’t feel safe at all having a ghoul so close to him while he was bleeding.

But in all honesty, it was not only fear of being attacked that made him uncomfortable with his current situation. He shouldn’t have any feelings for the monster in front of him, yet he couldn’t quite ignore exactly that.

“It’s fine.” Amon said and hoped his voice stayed steady. “You didn’t do it by purpose.”

Only after what felt like years, Eyepatch finally moved back and laid down. After a few moments Amon stood up and went for the bathroom to wash away the blood. There was a lot more than he had expected, but some warm water quickly removed it.

After he finished he stayed there, giving himself a moment to think.

He feared more and more that it wouldn’t be the lack of answers that would force him into sending the ghoul to Cochlea, but rather his own idiocy. Only a moron would befriend a ghoul. He finally understood exactly why Kureo Mado had told him to be careful around ghouls.

This was the third time Eyepatch had hurt him. And he knew it was lying as well.

Just as that old lady back then when he had first worked with Mado, he had been tricked by how human they could act. He couldn’t make the same mistake or the fourth time might be when Eyepatch finally killed him.

Even if it didn’t have any intention of killing him, it had still proven itself to be untrustworthy.


	10. Dubious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note that this chapter is a rewrite of an old! Therefore comments before March 6, 2018 are referring to the old version and certain things might have changed. The old version of chapter 1-10 can be found here: https://www.dropbox.com/s/ompf51hvdbx51hp/Affliction.pdf?dl=0
> 
> Please enjoy!

Kaneki instantly knew something was wrong.

First sign was the silence. Amon had not spoken a word when he returned to the room and took one of the blankets before leaving to sleep on the couch.

Kaneki had stood up and taken the notes with him. He wrote down a simple question ‘What’s wrong’ and held it out for Amon - who was currently preparing the couch for becoming a sleeping place again - but the investigator just took the notes blog and put it down on the table.

“Go to bed” he said short. Kaneki chose it was for the best to just listen and went back to the bedroom.

The second sign was the restrictions. When Kaneki had tried to leave the room that morning, he again found it locked. But when he knocked on the door, Amon simply told him to go back in and stay there. There was no explanation and Kaneki couldn't ask without his non verbal communication methods. He chose to listen. The hospitality shown to him so far was the only thing that had kept him from being thrown directly to Cochlea or killed off. And the book laying on the night stand should be able to keep him entertained for a few hours, even though this would be the third time reading it. Hopefully he would be allowed to come out after that time had passed.

Besides, It was understandable. He had hurt Amon yesterday. Even if he didn't want to, that part didn't matter. Amon was probably angry and needed a little time to relax before he'd trust him enough again to let him wander the house freely.

But he was wrong. Amon didn't return and let him out a few hours later, and Kaneki groaned when he finished the last page of the book. It was the only means of entertainment he had and it wasn't even past 3 pm. Three times was enough, he didn’t look forward to reading the book a fourth time.

He stood up and went to the door. Even though Amon had told him to stay in he had to get another book. He knocked on the door again. This time there was no answer.

“Fuck” He mumbled under his breath and knocked harder, giving Amon no option of just ignoring it.

It was opened a few seconds later and Amon looked down on him.

“What do you want?” he asked coldly.

Kaneki opened his mouth to answer, but as the countless previous times, his speech only seemed to work when he was alone.

Amon sighed, clearly annoyed he yet again had to partially guess what Kaneki wanted to say.

“I'll bring you food in a few minutes.”

Kaneki wanted to protest, this wasn't what he wanted. But before he could react the door was closed right in front of him and the lock turned again. Leaving him with no other option than going back to the bed and lay down again.

One thing was for sure. There had to be something else wrong than just the accident.

 

Amon kept his promise and returned not long after with a plate of nicely cut meat. But there was no words uttered as he placed the plate on the floor and he stepped outside of the room again, closing the door behind him.

Kaneki looked at the food with distaste. He just laid back down, leaving the meat untouched. Amon would return at some point to get the plate and when he saw he hadn't been eating he'd be sure to want an explanation. Which would give Kaneki the chance to ask for more books. It was a fault proof plan.

Except for the fact that he was hungry.

 

* * *

 

Amon washed the knife he had used to cut the meat before he put it away. He began preparing a package of ramen, not wanting to risk his life using the kitchen. He made a mental note to himself to buy some actual food next time he got a chance to go shopping. He didn't look forward to fainting again because of his horrible diet.

He knew Eyepatch would probably be able to make him some better food, but for now he still had enough points in his head to justify not trusting the ghoul.

He was happy he still had a fair amount of RC suppressants; He would need it once his work started again.

 

It was an hour later when he decided to go pick up the now hopefully empty plate. He knocked twice on the door to the bedroom to let Eyepatch know that he was there before he opened it. He almost dirtied his socks when he stepped inside the room and only avoided the plate with mere centimeters. It was still completely full with not even a single piece missing. Not surprising.

“Why didn't you eat anything?” he asked. He knew Eyepatch must have seen it because the ghoul’s eyes had been on him when he put down the food.

But there was no eyes on him this time. Instead Eyepatch laid with its back turned to him.

“Are you sleeping?” he asked. When there was no response he thought it was the case, but Eyepatch seemed to be breathing too quickly for it to be sleeping peacefully. Yet there was no screams and whimpers to indicate it was having a nightmare.

“Stop ignoring me” he said and stepped forward. He quickly paused when the ghoul turned its head.

Even if he could ignore the horrified way Eyepatch was looking at him, probably from having been discovered in whatever it was doing, he couldn't ignore the blood around its mouth, that apparently hadn't come from the meat.


	11. Positive Update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quick little update <3

Hello everyone! I know an update, rather than a new chapter isn't quite what people were expecting, but unfortunately it's all I can give - For now~

This fic isn't dead - but I've been doing a lot of thoughts around it and have decided I will be rewriting the previous chapters. A lot have happened over this past year and I feel like my writing has improved to a point were I'm no longer satisfied with the old chapters. A good portion was rushed in order to meet deadlines and I feel like I'll rather dwell a bit deeper into the story. I still feel confident in the story and where I want to take it.

I met my partner who I'll move in with next year through their commentary on this fic after all, so it has a special place in my heart that I won't just drop.

I apologise for having been incredible silent, but I felt like the responsibility and expectations people had for me was just too much at that point in my life. I have grown since and feel ready to get back into writing.

I already have a good portion of the rewritten work done so far - I'll post everything again at once when I'm done and ready to move on to chapter 11!~

Cheers!


	12. Update - Rewrite is done

First of all I'm so sorry for taking this long! I've been incredibly busy with art commissoins lately, which you'll all hopefully understand is first priority!  
I've finished up 25 drawings this past two months, each taking between 3-8 hours so you can imagine the struggle lmao.

Anyway, it makes me happy to announce that I've now completed the rewriting!

Some sections have been completely rewritten, others have just gotten a little freshen up. Some sections might also overall be identical to the old version. Especially the later chapters have only had few small revisions.

I certainly prefer the new version more, but I know some out there will probably prefer the old one. Therefore the old is still freely avaible for reading and download here: https://www.dropbox.com/s/ompf51hvdbx51hp/Affliction.pdf?dl=0

If you want to reread the new version, just go back to chapter one and get going! <3 If you don't feel like rereading something you have essentially already read despite the update, feel free to continue on when next chapter comes out. There's a few small changes that may or may not have affects on the understandment of the story for the ones who choose to continue on. To help bring light on them, they're listed here:

\- Amon don't know Kaneki's name yet. I felt the name exchange happened a bit early and I want it to be more special when it does. So Amon still call him Eyepatch for now

\- Amon is a bit more stern from the get go. I felt like I shifted too much between him being caring and more cold because I couldn't really decide, so I wanted it to be a more fluent transition from Mr "doing everything wrong" to Amon actually being able to care for Kaneki.

\- Amon keep the bedroom door locked during the nights of the first chapters. It just didn't feel natural that Amon would leave the door unlocked while still not trusting Kaneki at all.

\- Overall the atmosphere between them is a bit more tense in earlier chapters

\- Amon know that Kaneki lied about the food by finding the package in the garbage bin. This is another reason to his slight mood change in the end of chapter 9, because he know he can't trust Kaneki

* * *

It shouldn't be too long before I'm out with the new chapter and the story can finally get back on track!

I might delete this and previous update chapter at some point. But I dunno yet

 

In the meantime, please accept my smiling gecko boy for positive vibes

He's grown so big ~~and fat~~


	13. Concern

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeeey, it’s only been 1½ year since last chapter (Not counting the rewrite/update) ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿  
> Thank you to everyone for putting up with me tbh
> 
> TW: Self harm / Self injury and slight gore

Amon had known from the beginning that the person - creature, he hesitantly corrected himself - hadn't been mentally stable. So much had been proof of this and if he was honest, understandably so. Not many could leave such a horrific room as the ghoul in front of him had, and still have everything working correctly.

He didn't know what to expect, however, the ghoul biting its own arm definitely wasn't one of them. Or maybe it was. Subconsciously he had known. Not necessarily that it was to this extent that the hunger had taken its toll on Eyepatch, but there had been signs.

It explained why the ghoul had been hiding its arm so desperately. Still, knowing only do half the work and he still had to deal with the mess in front of him. And quickly, before it wasn't only it's own arm it would be biting at.

“Why aren't you eating?” He asked, doing his best to keep his voice steady and without any trace of the shock and horror he was feeling.

It wasn't just a few bite marks. It was gapings wound and had it not been a ghoul in front of him he would already have called the emergency line. He swore he saw something white among the pools of red and silently prayed to himself it wasn't bone. But he was no fool; he knew it was.

Though, he was impressed with how quickly the wounds were healing, the bone already covered with flesh again.

The ghoul just looked at him, almost as if offended. And it quickly dawned to Amon why.

Eyepatch _was_ eating It didn't see things the same way as Amon.

It didn't see why this was wrong in more ways imaginable.

“Why are you hurting yourself?” He tried approaching it from a different route.

Not with much success though. The ghoul quickly looked away without giving any signs of even wanting to respond. Amon realized he might have hit something he shouldn't try to dig in. Not now and so soon. And definitely not after locking the ghoul inside the room for hours without explaining his reasons.

“There's food right here.” He picked up the plate at his feet. “isn't this better?”

Eyepatch didn't respond. Nor did the ghoul even look at him. Its mismatched eyes were focused on the wall.

“I can't let you do this.” Amon said, and despite seeing no reaction from Eyepatch, he knew the ghoul had heard him. “I hope you realize that. You're a danger when you're hungry.”

Finally, Eyepatch turned his eyes toward him and locked with Amon's. Amon could feel all his courage dwindle, suddenly losing any idea of what to say.

“Please just eat this.” he took a step closer with the plate and watched as the ghoul simultaneously moved further away.

Amon sighed and put the plate down on the nightstand before he sat on the bed. He signalled for Eyepatch to come closer, and despite a few moments of hesitation, it seemed the ghoul finally ceased its resistance when it closed the distance between them. Amon reached for its hand.

“Don’t worry, I just want to see it.” he said when Eyepatch seemed reluctant.

Amon waited patiently as the ghoul slowly lifted it’s hand to take Amon’s. Amon gently pulled its arm a bit closer so he could inspect the wounds. He felt sick to his stomach when looking at them but swallowed his disgust. There were no visible traces left of the bone from earlier, it had healed enough to cover it completely, but it was still open and bleeding. A lot. Amon suspected it wouldn’t be long before Eyepatch lost consciousness if it kept up like this.

“You really like worrying me, don’t you?” he asked and Eyepatch just kept his eyes down. “I’ll have to stop the bleeding somehow. I have some things in the bathroom that can help, don’t do anything while I’m away, okay?”

Eyepatch just ignored him, but Amon didn’t have any of that.

“I asked you something.” he said stern.

Amon waited until Eyepatch gave up the act and nodded before he finally let go and stood up.

“I’ll be back.” he said and left the room, closing and locking the door behind him. He just wanted to leave the apartment and not having to deal with this situation. He couldn’t help feeling partly responsible, despite how stupid that mindset was. There was no reason to feel guilt, even if it was a human he was dealing with. He had freely offered the ghoul food, it was its own fault and stupidity for not accepting it.

He went to the bathroom and found the same first aid kit he had used when treating his shoulder few days ago. He quickly went through the contents before returning to the bedroom. He was happy to find Eyepatch sitting where he left him with nothing suggesting that the ghoul had made any further attempts on harming itself.

However, Eyepatch once again refused to meet his eyes. It almost seemed like the ghoul was ashamed. Amon didn’t understand.

He sat back down on the bed and reached out for the boy’s arm. Eyepatch didn’t resist. He pressed a cloth hard against the wounds, earning him a dissatisfied noise coming from the ghoul but it didn’t stop him. It was something that had to be done. Amon was relieved when the bleeding finally seemed to halt. Whether it was through his help or that the wound finally had healed enough, he didn’t know. When there was no doubt the bleeding wouldn’t be a problem, he finally removed the cloth and picked up a small pack of disinfection wipes.

He was surprised when the ghoul didn’t flinch as he started cleaning the wounds, considering it had to hurt like hell - Even more so than when he had stopped the bleeding. But Eyepatch seemed almost disinterested.

Once he had been everywhere with the disinfection wipe, he bandaged the wounds. Amon wasn’t sure it was even needed for a ghoul, but the thought that he wouldn’t have to look at the wounds again pleased him.

After packing everything that wasn’t to be thrown out back into the first aid kit, he took the plate with meat from the night table and held it out to Eyepatch - who to Amon’s dismay - instantly moved away. It’s not that it surprised him though.

“You have to.” he said. “The wounds aren’t going to heal otherwise. But his words seemed to fall on deaf ears.

“Fine.” he said and put the plate down on the bed. He did have one idea left, though he had hoped to avoid taking it into use because of the risks. He made sure Eyepatch’s eyes were still on him as he pulled up his sleeve to expose his own arm.

“Come on. Go take a bite.” Amon said, trying to hide his fear of the ghoul actually doing just that. But just as he had expected, Eyepatch refused to do it.

“You have to.” Amon said, feeling like he finally had the upper hand in this situation. “It’s either this or the stuff on the plate.”

He couldn’t keep the giant smile off his face when Eyepatch finally reached for the plate, and he felt like multiple years of struggle had just come to an end when the ghoul began eating it. Nevermind the fact that it had only been days. He could finally relax.

It wasn’t until Eyepatch had eaten everything, that Amon finally pulled down his sleeve again.

“Was it that bad?” he asked. Of course there was no response.

“Anything you need?” he asked as he stood up and took the plate as well as the first-aid kit.

Eyepatch used his fingers to signal a square shape.

“I understand.” Amon said. “I just need to clean this stuff up.”

He left the room and put the plate to the sink before he threw out the cloth and disinfection wipes he had been using. He put the first-aid kit back in the bathroom before he returning to the bedroom with the stack of very square books in his arms and put them on the nightstand.

Eyepatch made the square motion again. Amon finally understood. The sticky notes.

“No.” he said, wondering if he was really making the right choice. “Unless you plan on finally answering my questions, you have no need for them.”

He ignored the less than satisfied look Eyepatch gave him.

“You know what to do if you need me.” Amon said before he left the room. “Goodnight.”

With no further words he closed and locked the door.

 

* * *

 

Kaneki sank down into lying position on the bed and hissed from pain. It wasn’t until now he noticed how much the wounds were hurting. It hadn’t hurt as much while he was in the middle of the act and the adrenaline had been high.

It was a moronic idea. But he didn’t have any choice at the moment. It had been the only other way to get food. But it hadn’t mattered in the end, because the investigator had forced him into eating the meat on the plate anyway. It had all been for nothing because he was too weak to fight against it.

But he couldn’t hurt him. Not again. Despite their relationship being strained, the investigator was the only one Kaneki had at the moment. The only one he could trust.

He felt sick from the meat and most of all he wanted to puke. But he knew Amon would just force him to eat again if he did so. What was done was done. At least no one had been killed for the sole purpose of the meat he had just eaten. Or so he hoped.

When he started getting adjusted to the pain again, he reached out for one of the books he hadn’t been rereading yet to restart his journey through it. It was just about the only thing that could keep his thoughts occupied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the chapter being somewhat shortish, but I had to cut it here to make it fit a bit better to the next one :'D


	14. Lethargy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being a little late out :’D I hoped to have the chapter ready a lot earlier but migraine hit me like a train. That, plus a lot of other general unwellness. I’m feeling a lot better now though! ♥  
> I've also been a busy boy with packing stuff, since I'll be moving in with my boyfriend soon - So future chapters over the summer might be slightly late too!

Kaneki didn’t know when he fell asleep, his face planted in the still open book. However he instantly knew something was wrong when he opened his eyes the next morning. It wasn't anything extreme but still obvious enough that he couldn't miss it. His entire body felt weak. He suspected he might have a fever, probably due to the still healing injury. If ghouls even could have a fever; He couldn't remember being sick at any point after the accident at the construction site, nor about anyone else working in Anteiku having suffered from something outside of food poisoning.

He slowly tried pushing himself up with his arms, and quickly learned that he had a lot less energy than he had first anticipated. His arms quickly gave up under him and his face slammed directly back into the book again.

Defeated, he looked towards the door. Being able to call for the investigator would have been really useful right now. Instead he had to go against all his morals as he picked up the book and weakly threw it against the door to cause a loud bump. He hoped the book hadn't taken any damage from the impact.

Silence followed.

Kaneki was just about to give up hope when he heard footsteps moving somewhere behind the door, headed towards the bedroom.

The door was unlocked and opened, revealing Amon holding a plate with meat in one hand and reached to somewhere behind the door frame to take a cup of coffee he had put down on the desk to have a hand free for opening the door.

“Did something happen? I heard something while I was in the kitchen” he said, before looking down on the book at his feet. “Well that answers my question. Why did you throw it?”

Kaneki just looked at him until the investigator recalled that there wouldn't be any response. Kaneki hoped it would lead to him getting the notes back but he was left disappointed as Amon just stepped closer to the bed.

“Whatever, I brought you food. I think it's best you eat every day until the wounds are healed.”

Kaneki didn't even bother trying to show his displeasure with that idea as Amon placed the plate down on the bed and put the cup of coffee on the nightstand. Any other day, he would probably have given Amon a hell of a time getting him to eat, but he simply didn't have the energy to deal with it.

The investigator smiled pleased, maybe even a bit proud, when Kaneki slowly reached out for the food. The smile quickly disappeared however, when Kaneki's hand fell back down just as he reached the plate. He was so exhausted and honestly just wanted to sleep again. At least Amon seemed to finally notice he wasn't in the best of health.

“Is something wrong?” Amon asked and stepped closer. “Are you sick?”

Kaneki responded with a short nod and closed his eyes. He soon felt a hand pressed against his forehead.

“You don't have a fever.” Amon said to Kaneki's surprise.

The hand moved from his forehead to his arm instead, undoubtedly examining the wounds under the bandage.

“It haven't healed much.” Amon said before he turned around to pick up the book and place it on the nightstand. “Please promise me to eat. Even if you do it slowly, as long as you eat something. It'll help.”

Kaneki didn't give him any sort of response, but Amon didn't push it.

“Let me know if you ne-” He heard Amon begin the usual phrase he always said before leaving the room, but he had fallen asleep before the investigator could finish his sentence.

 

* * *

 

Amon couldn't keep the worry out of his mind. He had never, throughout the time as an investigator, nor while living in the orphanage, seen a ghoul being sick - Maybe outside of food poisoning from eating human food. And even then, it didn't make them _that_ weak. He had never been taught about ghoul sickness during his education either. Maybe it really was just caused by the wounds, but Eyepatch had healed his earlier injuries just fine. Even without the extra energy from just having eaten.

He decided to pass it off as just another anomaly linked to Eyepatch. There had been quite a few of those.

  


It was a few hours later when he opened the door to the bedroom again. Eyepatch was awake but laying still. The food was, as expected, untouched. The coffee as well. But the ghoul's eyes was on the plate, and one of its hands had clearly been reaching for it again.

“Should I help you?” He asked. Eyepatch slowly nodded.

Amon sat down on the bed and pulled Eyepatch into a sitting position and let him lean against him for support.

When he had made sure Eyepatch was sitting comfortably, he took the plate. The meat had already been cut out in small pieces by him earlier. He always assumed it was easier for Eyepatch by not being forced to bite into the meat like a wild animal, but could eat it in a bit more civilized manner. And now it also served Amon in making it easier for him to feed the ghoul.

The meat felt disgusting between his fingers but he bite back any outward signs of discomfort as he picked up piece after piece to feed Eyepatch. He was pleased that the ghoul was eating it without any protests. This had to be a first time.

It didn't continue going this smoothly, however. As more and more pieces disappeared, Eyepatch also got slower. And not in a “I’m no longer hungry” way. He seemed just as eager to eat as before (which wasn't much, but noticeable regardless). It was like his energy was running up much quicker than it should.

It was then it hit him. He cursed himself for not giving it a thought earlier.

Eyepatch didn't heal his previous injuries despite not eating. It was _because_ he wasn't eating. They had to keep the ghouls in Cochlea docile somehow. What easier way than through the food.

“Stop eating. Spit it out.” He said quickly. Eyepatch looked at him puzzled for a second, but followed his orders and spat out the piece of meat into the open hand Amon held in front of his face.

“Look at me, please.” Amon put the piece of meat back on the plate before he grabbed Eyepatch's chin with the still bloodied hand, so he could turn the ghoul's head up and allow their eyes to lock for more than a split second. Eyepatch seemed even worse than earlier, his eyes unfocused.

“I'm sorry.” Amon said. “I should have figured it out earlier. I think there's RC suppressants in the meat.”

Amon let go of his chin and Eyepatch's head quickly dropped back down again. He helped the ghoul lay down and took the plate. He quickly noticed there was still blood on Eyepatch's face.

“Lay still.” he said despite being unable to imagine Eyepatch would be moving much at the moment anyway. “I'll be back soon and get you cleaned.”

 

* * *

 

Amon stayed with Eyepatch that evening. He knew the suppressants weren't lethal, but Amon still worried. He had changed the bandages around Eyepatch’s arm. He hoped the wounds would start healing once the effect of the suppressants had passed.

Amon could just as well stop trying to keep up his though facade - At least for now. It didn't quite work for him when he was sent into an internal panic every time the ghoul showed any sign of genuine discomfort.

At least now everything was calm for the time being. He held Eyepatch close. He didn't mind how the ghoul had its face buried in the crook of his neck, knowing that it was currently too weak to possess a serious danger to him. The warm breath hitting his skin was a welcomed feeling anyway.

He wasn't sure if Eyepatch was sleeping. He let his eyes run over the small body in his embrace in search of any sign that the ghoul wasn't completely relaxed.

Eyepatch's breathing was calm, indicated by the slow rising of his chest as well as the warm air on Amon's neck.

But his eyes rested on their target for much longer than needed, taking in the sight. Eyepatch looked so fragile. His own arms looked way too large compared to the body wrapped tightly in them. His hair was almost glowing in the moonlight that slipped through the slightly parted curtains.

He felt an urge to touch it again; And to touch more for that matter.

But there was nothing appropriate in any of this and he quickly forced his eyes away from the boy.

At least he had some decency and self control left in him. And he intended to keep it that way.

His mind didn't seem to have much control to the south thought. He quickly shifted his position in an attempt to hide the source of his shame and let go of Eyepatch so he could move away.

Amon knew his eyes had always been drawn to men. He had known for a long while now. It was also something he had accepted.

But this wasn't a human.

This was _wrong._

Even if there was nothing about ghouls involved he didn't feel comfortable getting hard from having a drugged person in his bed next to him. Despite the drugging part having nothing to do with his arousal, it still felt questionable at best.

When Eyepatch moved closer to him, searching for the source of warmth that had suddenly disappeared, Amon quickly got up and left the room.

He took a moment to calm down when he had closed and locked the door behind him. He hoped simply removing himself from the situation would help, but his pants still felt too tight.

After another moment of hesitation, he left to the bathroom. He finished his business quickly, keeping his mind blank and not allowing himself time to really enjoy it. He didn't deserve any pleasure from this.

He couldn't remember last time he had felt like this. Of course he did masturbate occasionally, but he usually didn't have a _reason,_ other than just enjoying himself.

People usually didn't have this effect on him.

  


After he had regained his posture and looked somewhat calm as he watched himself in the mirror, he returned to the bedroom.

He just wanted to do a quick check before leaving to sleep on the couch, but luck wasn't with him, as Eyepatch was awake.

He felt like Eyepatch could see right through him. Like the ghoul knew exactly what he had done.

Amon quickly began talking to distract Eyepatch, or maybe more accurately, distract himself.

“Tomorrow you will tell me what you are.” he said. “About what’s up with your eye. If not, I’ll have to send you to Cochlea. Especially now that this food isn't useful anymore.”

He noticed a hint of worry in the ghoul's eyes, but otherwise Eyepatch didn't react much.

However, when he took a step back, Eyepatch weakly stretched a hand out toward him.

Amon let out a defeated sigh. At least his body wouldn't be able to betray him again so soon.

“I guess I can stay until you fall back asleep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if there's any typos or some sentences sound a bit wonky - I haven't had as much time to reread and edit as I usually do!~ ♥


End file.
